Re: Question about three's

Posted by spengler (150.131.160.53) on May 10, 2003 at 23:08:05:

In Reply to: Question about three's posted by sarah (66.163.16.22) on March 05, 2003 at 14:13:28:

> I have a brother who I'm quite sure is a 3w4. He is far from my favourite person as he has burned bridges with myself and many others. Only he is so self-centred, he doesn't even know it - at least with me.

> He has done some pretty bad things and behaved badly many times in his life. He gets to a point when he can start admitting some of it - like he's coming out of denial. But then, the ego kicks in at some point, and he moves on bragging about this and that - and never really learning from his past mistakes. He is one of the most self-centred, self-absorbed people I know. It amazes me how in can live in such total denial. It's like he loves-hates himself. He’s 43 and I’ve never seen any improvements.

> I have learned that I am much happier with as little contact with him as possible. But now he is buzzed about the latest thing in his life and is inviting family members to get together with him about it. I think it's another whim, another impulsive road he's going down ( I won't get into the details) and I have no interest in getting together with him for this. I have no problem doing the ‘family’ thing and when we all get together, I’m there. Or when it’s a crisis – I’m there. But I really have no interest in maintaining any contact with him beyond that. Only, how do you handle that? Telling him is definitely out of the question.

> Also, I have started to wonder over the last few years whether he has a personality disorder on top of all his emotional baggage. He has had a troubled work and personal family history that has never improved. We had some upsetting family stuff going on when we were growing up, and I had a lot of baggage for years too. In my twenties, I had a lot of counseling and got through it – to become quite a happy ,stable person today.

> He repeats the same patterns over and over, and falls into the same traps over and over. Could there be more at play here than just a self-centred person?

> Anyone have any experience with this?

My older brother is also a 3. He's 27, five years older than me, and is just a very manipulative person. He is quite draining to be around, and only calls when he needs something. In short, he is very self-centered, like your brother. I don't know about yours, but mine has some substance abuse problems, which only exacerbates his negative qualities. Is this the case with your brother, too? From what you wrote, it sounds like it could be.

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