The best things about August

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: While I did share your sentiments about August when I was a kid, as an adult, it doesn't matter much anymore... : What does August mean? : 1) Summer is almost gone. HOORAY! No more heat! : 2) My birthday is just around the corner. : 3) The new TV season is here soon. : 4) Ditto with NFL football. : 5) My annoying kids will be back in school, and no more babysitter bills! : 6) I go on vacation in August, which is good, since most people go on vacation in June or July...which means wherever I go, the place is less crowded! : 7) There's a festival in my town where all the guys go out and get plastered off the finest alcohol in the Midwest. I'll be there, for sure! : 8) My air conditioning bill will drop off real soon. : Lots to be thankful for around August/September. You just have to know where to look. : : : Hiya folks. : : August is right around the corner. I don't go to school any more but at age twenty-one (21) I've only been removed from it for a couple of years and I still have a residual but very strong Fear of August. : : Remember when you were a kid? August was the month of Last Chances. It was the last ride on the roller coaster before the amusement park closed. Its a horrible thing, to have felt the exhiliration of ride after ride after ride, and then have to admit, "Well we only got time for one more." Maybe it's a *great* last ride, but it's one of the worst feeelings in the world when the cars pull in and screech to a halt at the end of that last ride. : : August is bad like that. I like to watch the Jay Leno show on Mondays sometimes because that's the night he usually does "Headlines," which is just about the only recurring segment he does that is at all funny. : : "Headlines" is very funny. I laugh at many of them, and it's one of those things that I could watch for a very long time. But it's always a Devastating Moment when he starts to look off-camera furtively, and some asshole directs him to wrap it up with a series of "weddings". : : For those of you unaware of this routine, Mr. Jay Leno usually concludes the "Headlines" segment by showing allegedly real wedding announcements of people with last names that are amusing when said one right after the other. So Basically every week there's Julia Harry marrying Mark Ball, announced in a lilting and childish voice by Mr. Leno: "It's the...HARRY BALL wedding." And invariably every week there are people with names like "Sachs" and "Bates" and "Poopie" and all the rest. Congrats, and a long and lustrous marriage to all of them. : : August blows. : : Maybe it's just my weird view of things but I have problems with Death and the End of Things. I mean, how great is summer? A lot of times I leave work at about six in the evening. I'm wearing a short-sleeve shirt and can walk to my car at whatever speed I like without being uncomfortable. I'm as relaxed as can be and I look around at the sky. I can see it. It's blue. : : But then I shudder to think that come November, that very same sky that is now bright and sunny will be dark and gray. Day will be night and every muscle in my body will be taught with fury in the always futile battle against the cold winter winds of the North Coast. : : And I'll be wearing a big bulky coat. I hate big bulky coats and the thought of them makes me want to cry. : : This is no exaggeration. The thought of big bulky coats makes me want to cry. It should make you want to cry too. Big bulky coats signify nothing but the demise of all that is good, and warm, and beautiful.* : : : : Who's kidding who, I only give August a bad rap because it's the most disappointing of all the months that don't require big bulky coats. Maybe it signifies the Beginning Of The End for those of kids who are in school and for the older ones who love to wear shorts, but that's okay. Why? Because the coats is in the closet. : : Enjoy your weekend, everyone. The coats is in the closet.

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