Posted by Bartholomew (63.214.122.240) on November 28, 2002 at 10:16:04:
In Reply to: I didn't read your post, I just skimmed it... posted by Emily (68.13.144.194) on November 28, 2002 at 02:45:11:
> > But I'd honestly like you to do so. I think it would help you.
> Ok, I read your post, and it has nothing to do with how life really is with me. In your own infamous words, "You are wrong." You need to realize that I'm not just making this up for fun. The example you have in your post does not relate to me. For instance, I spent about 65 hours this summer on a bus trip, and for the majority of the time I sat and looked out the window and did nothing. I was absolutely comfortable. Doing other things, like listening to music or reading actually made me uncomfortable some of the time. I felt much better sitting still and focusing on what was happening at that exact moment, rather than trying to forget where I was and pass the time by doing busy work. 65 hours of looking out the window, sitting still on a bus, Bart. I don't have the problem you think I have. That's actually one of the reasons why I don't like driving. There's too much to focus on, when all I want to do is look out the window and be still.
I think I need to clarify something. Doing actual work, busy work, is the same as focusing on your own situation. The guy reading the newspaper feels that he is importantly busy, but in a way that escapes his everyday life. He's pushed out of his mind all the same. He's not REALLY working. Whenever I'm in a vehicle, I also generally look out the window and "do nothing." But I bet you're idly watching the scenery. It's a form of fidgeting.
What I'm saying maybe isn't too well expressed in words. The words and verbal ideas only hint at the sensation behind it... it's a kind of gnawing idleness, a tense force-field-like glob that makes you slide out of the important, that makes the important vaguely unpleasant on a low level and in a way that you don't usually directly feel. If it were a sound, it would be "ehhhhhhhhhhh." It often involves muscles tense in a certain way, and it's associated with shallow mouth breathing and slack facial muscles. It's very like the feeling other than thirst that you get when you're dehydrated. It's usually accompanied by a feeling in the back of the head, "I should be doing something better with my time." In fact it is always accompanied by that feeling, although it doesn't always enter into the conscious mind. Sometimes it leads to freneticity, jerking about in purposeful motions to give oneself a false impression that one is doing something substantial. Of course, I'm exaggerating it to try to define it more clearly; it's not usually noticeable on such an immediate level unless one is looking for it.
Nothing you've said really is at odds with this sensation... I wish I could explain it in more concrete terms, but they're always bound to miss something. The main thing is the feeling that you have something better to do that you don't feel like doing, but that doesn't really capture the whole concept. Well, maybe it does, but you'd have to extrapolate a lot to derive it all from just that statement. The best way to get it is to think in analogies and examples from your life.
> And believe it or not, I was actually going through my bookmarks and wondering what heatherb's site address was.
OK, but why were you doing that? Do you really know?
> And, I couldn't remember Cathy's. I wanted to check up on Cathy's art, because I like Cathy's art, and see if heatherb had any new pictures of David on. My post had a point and wasn't posted just so I could feel useful and like I was doing something solid.
> > You thought of a guy on a bench with nothing to do, and you immediately think "boredom." You didn't take the time to truly read my actual explanation of the guy on the bench.
> I didn't take the time to even read your post at all.
> I like you, Bart, and I'm being completely honest. I'm being mean to you, and I don't like to be mean to people, especially people I like. It's just that I'm tired of you pretending that you have any sort of idea what my life is like and who I am. You used to do this before, all the time.
It's because I believe that on a fundamental level, people have all the same ingredients, although mixed in different proportions. There's such a thing as human nature. And it exists in the form of sensations.
> I am a very intelligent person, Bart, and you make me feel stupid.
> I like you. I always have. No matter how arrogant and insulting you get sometimes, I still like you.
> Just because someone has a stupid livejournal doesn't mean they have deep-seated psychological issues.
Just about everyone has deep-seated psychological issues.
> Why someone would keep returning to such an abusive and negative atmosphere like 9types could mean something, though.
It does.
> -Emily