Posted by K.B. (152.163.189.168) on January 31, 2003 at 04:02:30:
In Reply to: Way to kill yourself, dude... posted by froggyTheFrog (68.35.113.192) on January 31, 2003 at 02:29:23:
> > I'd like to know, gang your answers to these questions. Please be honest and spare the wisecracks, please. Speak what you feel.
> From this introduction, I take it that the grudge you have with Emily is honest-to-goodness, and we're not just trying to see how thin we can spread the fun. (Because if we are, the fun's gotten pretty thin this far off.)
I was a new poster and after I got into controversy; my words got twisted around by then moderator Mikko (now settled and closed) and Emily jumped in the fray which caused me to run out of there and come back as KB. She was pretty vicious.
Came back as KB and then the 2000 clique ignored much of what I posted until I got some good posts out that got responded to. Emily then started to cut my posts by posting hers right on top of mine without answering mine. I was the most prolific poster on 9Types and was a threat to her popularity. I know that she wanted to be number one along with Mikko and Cory. I had good things to say; was as humorous and had interesting posts like Cory but she made sure he got the notice. She was a new moderator and allowed Cory to post his drunken ravings right on top of my Enneagram posts and all the phonies started responding to his and buried mine. I tried to reason with her but she denied everything.
Things fell apart after that.
Can I get an apology from her if I apologize for my excesses as I did a few days ago?
> > 1. Why do I want so much for Emily to accept my apology and especially for her to apologize?
> Let's start out by asking, "What if we were a lot alike?" Generally, when it comes to anger and the party I am angry at will not acknowledge my anger, I can really hold a grudge. Earlier this year, I was in the Houston airport rushing for the gate for a plane that should've started takeoff 5 minutes ago. Every time I have been in the Houston airport, the gate that your flight is supposed to be at changes, and invariably, it's in another wing of the airport. I went to the wrong wing and had to rush all the way back from where I started. I have a foot disorder, so I was about ready for a wheelchair, but still trying to run for my life, and taking on the appearance of a person with cerebral palsy while I was at it. I yelled to an attendant to call the gate and tell them they had a passenger rushing for his freakin' life to get there. "I can't do that, sir." was her response. Ah, the spirit of Houston. To this day, I still dream of giving her appendage enhancements that cause her legs to cross one another if she tries to run or take too big of a step.
> But where does this get me? The woman does not care. She's long forgotten that some mentally deficient man asked her to call a gate and she still has her job. If confronted, she would say, "Who really gives a flying fart?" Looks like I am the onestuck with the problem. And it looks like you are stuck in the same situation with Emily. She really could care less, and it would be a lot more effort than she would ever want to expend on you to apologize. You are causing yourself to suffer based on a condition you can't control. You've put yourself in Hell, knowing that she will never apologize. Days of anguish and angry posts on the board, nights of heartburn and tossing and turning; Knowing that nobody else cares; Punishing yourself for something Emily won't do -- You're doing this all to yourself. Way to kill yourself, dude... If you really are similar to me, then we can do stuff like this to ourselves all the time. Let's just slip and break out the tequila. "To a life of hell or an early grave." Sound good? We can unlearn such behaviors.
> > 2. What would I do if she apologized? Would I go away or would I want more? Bear in mind though that it must be a real apology and not a trick like "I apologize for whatever you thought". I mean an admission from Emily of some wrong on her part.
> You imagine that some sort of satisfaction and relief would come over you. I honestly think you would start picking at a new scab.
> > Do you think that maybe I DON'T want this. Well then, why not test me? If I'm just looking to complain then let's see what happens if you denied me my rationale?
> Wait, this IS what is happening right now. We don't have to make it happen. This IS the case: Emily IS NOT apologizing. The results? You've written this post. But notice my last answer above.
> > Fair?
> Ummmmmm, sure. Fair. But aren't you challenging a situation not to change? What's the challenge?
> > 3. Should Emily apologize to me and accept my apology to her?
> Are you apologizing to Emily?
> By forgiving Emily, KB. You are giving her nothing, and in return, you get to let go of the hurt and torment you are putting yourself through for her. Sounds like a steal to me! An unfair deal weighted to your advantage. What would you do with a deal like that on Ebay?
> > Thank you all,
> No, Thank you. I hate it when I can't sleep, and answering this post is better than asking my body why it won't let me sleep and what I ever did to it. (Its answer? "Caffeine you idiot!!!")
> > K.B.
> Froggy