Point Two: The Giver

The preoccupations of Point Two include:

• Gaining approval and avoiding rejection.
• Pride in the importance of oneself in relationships. "They'd never make it without me."
• Pride in meeting the needs of others. "I don't need anyone, but they all need me."
• Confusion between the many selves that develop in order to meet the needs of others. "Each of my friends brings out a different part of me." "Which me is my authentic self?"
• Confusion in identifying personal needs. "I can become what you want, but what do I really feel for you?"
• Sexual attention as a guarantee of approval. "I don't want to sleep with you, but I want to know you'd like to."
• Romantic attachment to "the great man," "the inspired woman."
• Fighting for personal freedom. Feeling controlled by other people's needs.
• Hysteria and anger when emerging real needs collide with the many selves that have developed in order to please others.
• An attentional style of altering oneself to meet the needs of others, which can lead to
• Empathic connection with other people's feelings, or
• A manipulative adaptation to the wishes of others as a way of assuring love.

Helen Palmer

The Enneagram:
Understanding Yourself and the Others in Your Life
Harper & Row, 1988, 392 pages