Point Nine: The Mediator

Nine in Love
Living with Nines:

• Once a Nine merges with you it is hard to separate. Relationships can continue for years beyond the natural stopping point. Nines find it hard to give up memories of old relationships so that new ones can develop.
• You'll find that Nines divert attention from feelings by becoming preoccupied with unessentials. They search for alternatives to forestall arguments. they are often laconic and uncommunicative about what they really feel: "Let the unspoken remain unsaid."
• Nines retreat into habitual patterns and trivial concerns ("lots of little things to do") rather than really engaging in the relationship. Energy spreads to the mechanics of living together: the house repairs, the mortgage rate. As a Nine's partner, you will find yourself being the active agent for change.
• The Nine will say back what you want to hear. This does not imply that the Nine agrees with you. It's hard for Nines to say no because your needs sound louder than their own.
• Nines fantasize about merging with ideal partners and being swept into a new life. The flip side of merging with the lives of others is that the Nine blames you when things go wrong.
• Relationships deepen when the Nine can merge with you without any loss of personal identity.

Nine at Work
In the Workplace:

• Relaxes in the absence of friction. Wants things to feel comfortable and to run without hassle. Wants the "job family" to get along. Has a deep desire to have good feelings on the job, between authority and employee.
• Flourishes in conditions of positive support, but avoids self-promotions. Wants recognition but will not ask.
• Likes procedures, lines of command, and rewards to be well defined. Likes to adjust own energy output to a predictable set of guidelines. No sudden surprises, please.
• Can go on automatic and produce a great deal of work. Suspends awareness of own agenda while following routine.
• Energized by a productive routine and other people's enthusiasm for projects.
• Wants a structure to support decisions. Doesn't like to make decisions. Goes by the book; keeps spontaneous decision making at a minimum.
• Cautionary in taking risks. Feels safer in known routes. Goes with what has worked in the past. Avoids risks that raise hopes, for fear of disappointment.
• Forestalls a decision by gathering information. Puts off essentials while the unessentials get done. Strategic use of deadlines produces magnificent last-minute saves.
• Feels overwhelmed with too much to do. Finds it hard to focus on a business priority when items of lesser importance seem like equally pressing concerns.
• Often ambivalent about authority. Has difficulty setting priorities and getting going, but is stubborn about taking directions from others.
• First expresses anger on the job covertly by ignoring the problem or shifting blame to the structure, to mismanagement, to other people at work.

Helen Palmer

The Enneagram in Love & Work:
Understanding Your Intimate & Business Relationships
HarperSanFrancisco, 1995, 417 pages