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Point Two: The Giver
The preoccupations of Point Two include:
- Gaining approval and avoiding rejection.
- Pride in the importance of oneself in relationships. "They'd never
make it without me."
- Pride in meeting the needs of others. "I don't need anyone, but
they all need me."
- Confusion between the many selves that develop in order to meet the
needs of others. "Each of my friends brings out a different part of
me." "Which me is my authentic self?"
- Confusion in identifying personal needs. "I can become what you
want, but what do I really feel for you?"
- Sexual attention as a guarantee of approval. "I don't want to
sleep with you, but I want to know you'd like to."
- Romantic attachment to "the great man," "the inspired
woman."
- Fighting for personal freedom. Feeling controlled by other people's
needs.
- Hysteria and anger when emerging real needs collide with the many selves
that have developed in order to please others.
- An attentional style of altering oneself to meet the needs of others,
which can lead to
- Empathic connection with other people's feelings, or
- A manipulative adaptation to the wishes of others as a way of assuring
love.
Helen Palmer
The Enneagram:
Understanding Yourself and the Others in Your Life
Harper & Row, 1988, 392 pages
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