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Type 3. Motivator

Click books below. (The description here was salvaged from Dave's Enneagram Site, when it was about to be deleted in 5/98. Check his new site for updates. )
Palmer
E-gram
E-gram  in Love & Work
Pocket E-gram
Riso and Hudson
Understanding E-gram
Discovering Your Type
E-gram Transform.
Baron & Wagele
E-gram Made Easy
Are You My Type?
Keyes
Emotions and E-gram
Hurley & Dobson
What’s My Type?
Callahan
E-gram for Youth
Naranjo
E-Type Structures
Excerpts from Enneagram Books
   Palmer - The Enneagram in Love & Work
 

Point Three: The Performer

Three in Love
Living with Threes:

  • Threes feel loved for their achievements, not for who they are.
  • The Three frames the relationship as an "important task" that can be built.
  • The Three expects appreciation from a mate for a winning image and style.
  • Be aware of your Three's tendency to "do" feelings, for activity to replace affect, and to adopt the role of the perfect lover with a script of endearing things to say.
  • Help your partner slow down activity related to intimacy long enough to be affected by intimate feelings.
  • Your Three partner will be intolerant of "darker" emotions. Wants to tune out negative feedback. "Let's stay energetic and happy," "Let's do something together," "Let's have fun."
  • If the Three partner takes responsibility for other people's "negative" feelings ("What should I do to make you happy?"), hold out the possibility that there is no quick solution to pain.
  • Understand that your Three can readily confuse ideas about emotions with the real thing.
  • And, as real feelings emerge, your Three can be in a quandary: "Do I have the right one? Am I doing this right? Tell me what I should feel."
  • So Threes become especially anxious when activity is suspended and feelings begin to come forth.
  • Three partners need to be assured that they are loved for themselves, not as the prototype of the perfect mate.
  • A Three's heart is in his or her work. The Three will therefore need a strong push from a partner to take time away from work.

Three at Work
In the Workplace:

  • Assumes own ability. The instant expert.
  • Confuses real self and work role. "I am what I do."
  • Takes on the image and feelings of a task. Prototype of the profession.
  • The priority is to be efficient and save time, even if this means cutting corners. Takes the shortcut. Does several things at once. "Details later."
  • Will stay on an expansionist track until the task is opposed, then parlay options for the biggest possible win.
  • Feels rage when tasks and goals are interrupted. Anger is usually task specific.
  • Values product over process. "How much did I produce?"
  • Being respected for ability as a worker is more important than being liked.
  • Machinelike achiever. Expects others to work in the same way.
  • Projects a high-profile image -- credentials, social standing, "who's who."
  • Exerts power over people; competes for leadership roles.
  • Wants a clear path to success. Shoots for defined goals. Wants reward for effort. Intolerant of ambiguous returns.
  • Pays selective attention to positive feedback. Image has to be maintained. Intolerant of criticism. Places responsibility elsewhere if failure occurs.
  • Avoids failure. Switches tracks. Finds a presentation that works.
  • Has difficulty telling the difference between being admired as a leader and being liked for himself or herself.

Helen Palmer

The Enneagram in Love & Work:
Understanding Your Intimate & Business Relationships
HarperSanFrancisco, 1995, 417 pages

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