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Mia Farrow

Mia Farrow

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Posted by Jan den Breejen on April 13, 2000 at 03:41:40:

Mia Farrow

Case text:

BRAVE and devoted mom Mia Farrow broke down and sobbed as her blind, 19-year-old daughter died in her arms. Heart trouble tragically cut short the life of Vietnamese-born Tam Farrow, whom Mia adopted in 1992. "She had a weak heart and died of cardiac arrest over the weekend of March 11-12," confirmed Mia's spokesperson Judy Hoffland. Tam had been in New Milford Hospital in
Connecticut from February 28 until her release on March 7. Her beloved Tam's death has left the 55-year-old Mia devastated - but those who know her say she won't let sorrow and grief get the upper hand. To ease her pain, SUPER-MOM Mia is TIRELESSLY throwing herself into CARING for the rest of her children. "I've known Mia for years and the death of Tam has just turned her upside down," a friend of Mia's told. "Tam was in the hospital the week before, took in again and, as Mia cried, died in her arms. "She's been strong for the other kids, but she just walks around with tears in her eyes, talking to herself about Tam. "She told a friend, 'It's so hard when a parent has to bury their child.' " Tam was one of Mia's 14 children -10 of whom were adopted. Some suffer from severe medical problems and they come from as far away as Vietnam and Korea. Among the adopted are 8 year-old Isaiah who was born addicted to crack cocaine in 1992; Lark Song, born I. in Vietnam and now suffering from AIDS; Moses, born in Korea and afflicted with cerebral palsy and Frankie-Minh, another blind Vietnamese girl. The best known of her brood is adopted daughter Soon-Yi, who ran away and married Farrow's longtime lover, Woody Allen. Mia adopted Tam in 1992, shortly after she discovered Allen's seduction of Soon-Yi. Divulged the friend: "She told me once: 'All of God's children are special. And I've been blessed to have some of the most special. They all need love and caring and I thank God I can dedicate myself to that.' " Mia's tireless devotion to children has earned her many admirers (comparable with the sympathy and popularity of Mother Teresa and Princess Diana; JdB). Neighbors and fellow residents of Bridgewater, Conn., where Mia has a house, share her terrible heartbreak. "Mia and her family come in here all the time," said a shaken Heather Hawes, manager of a local store. "She's such a wonderful, KIND woman and she's really devoted to those KIDS." Tam was a senior at Shepaug High School near her home. One of her teachers, Melanie Gustin, said: "She was a wonderful girl and they are such a NICE family. My HEART really goes out to Mia and Tam's brothers and sisters." Said another deeply moved Bridgewater neighbor: "I recall seeing Mia walk along the road with Tam and her other blind child - she has a HEART OF GOLD. What a pity she had to lose Tam so young." Ironically, just weeks before Tam's death, Mia told her friend: "I'm not adopting any more children. My hands are full. And I'm getting older."

Jan's analysis:
It must be hard to find a better example of dr. Oldhams Self Sacrifical Style (DSMIV Self Defeating). So many of Oldham's criteria for this style are met:

- Generosity - will give you the skirts of their backs if you need them; they do not wait to be asked
- Service (and hard work) - their prime directive is to be helpful to others.
- Acceptance - tolerant of others foibles
- Endurance - they prefer to shoulder their own burdens in life...high tolerance for discomfort

Wonderful people indeed these Self Sacrificial characters! Sometimes however their inclination to 'please people' can be quite detrimental to the interests of the people they want to please in the 'short run'. For example when you are with them in a foreign city and don't know where to go for a restaurant and suggest the way to walk which you think has the best chance of succes; the 'self sacrificer' can immediately say you are right (because they want you to have the pleasure of being right); without being critical to what you say. Also they can be silent about other things that are important for you to know but are discomforting.


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