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Dads Army (UK tv series 1970's)

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Posted by Jan den Breejen on June 05, 2001 at 01:06:48:

DADS ARMY

A comedy series set in Walmington-on Sea, during the Second World War, about a keen but rather incompetent Home-Guard, starring:

ARTHUR LOWE AS CAPTAIN GEORGE MAINWARING, the Home-Guard Captain and pompous Bank Manager, who likes people to think he's really important, and never admits to his mistakes and doesn't approve of Sergeant Wilson questioning his tactics. Arthur Lowe played the part of George Mainwaring, stuffy bank manager of Swallow Bank, Walmington-On-Sea branch. He appointed himself Captain of the Platoon on account of his service in France in 1919!
"Captain George Mainwaring is often quoted as saying that his father kept a tailor's shop in the best part of Eastbourne, and was a member of the Master Tailors Guild. However according to Jones, who is the only one who remembers Eastbourne at the time, Mainwarings father in fact kept a small gent's outfitters in a side street, with old workmen's trousers hanging up outside. In spite of his humble background, he was determined to be someone and by application and hard work he managed to gain a scholarship to the local Grammar school. When he left in 1902, he toyed with the vain hope that he might become a soldier. It had been a dream of his since childhood, but in those day's a Grammar school education was hardly a fitting background for an officer and a gentleman. Besides, he had no money. He took up a position in Martin's Bank where, after twelve years hard work, he became Assistant Chief Clerk."
"When the war broke out in 1914, he at once volunteered. At last he was going to be a soldier, and be able to wear on his chest those medals he had craved for all his life. But he was turned down because of his eyesight. During the next few years he made repeated attempts to join up and at last, thanks once more to his determination, he was commisioned as a 2nd Lieutenant in the pioneer corps. Mainwaring arrived in France on 14 November 1918, forty eight hours after the Armistice, just too late to get any medals."
"In 1919, with his hopes of glory dashed, he returned to civilian life, where he met and married Elizabeth, a large girl, who helped her sister to run a small wool shop. in later life he wondered if she was in fact knitted, instead of flesh and blood - there was no issue from the union. He threw himself into his work, and in 1935 his ambition was achieved when he was promoted to manager of Martin's (Swallows) Bank, Walmington on sea. At the age of fifty-five it seemed that his dreams of serving his country on active service were past. However , fate took a hand, and when in 1940 the Nazi invasion of these islands threatened, he grasped the opportunity with both hands and formed the Walmington on Sea Local Defence Volunteers (later to become the Home Guard). By his efforts he welded them into a crack fighting force. At last, he had found his true destiny. But as we know the German's never came, and alas, there were no medals for Mainwaring."
- Jimmy Perry & David Croft from "Dads Army" (Elm Tree Books 1975).

He is married to the formidable Elizabeth. We never see her at all in any of the tv episodes or the film. However, I have managed to find a couple of pictures of her. Check out her page - Elizabeth Mainwaring. From working-class stock, his father was a draper (although he maintains that he was really a master-tailor) and he has an alcoholic brother. Educated at a grammar school, he suffers from an inferiority complex when dealing with ex-public schoolboy Sergeant Wilson.
Always looking for an opportunity to do battle with the enemy, most of his engagements actually occur with Chief Warden Bill Hodges, especially over the booking of the Church Hall.

Classification: Self Confident/(Compensatory) narcissistic Style (the basis of which is an inferiority complex which causes the need for external admiration - since it can't be generated internally) mixed with Serious Style

JOHN LE MESURIER AS SERGEANT ARTHUR WILSON, the stoic Sergeant and Bank Clerk. Doesn't display much authority and seems relatively emotionless. He is a close friend of Private Pike and his mother. Wilson never seems to take anything seriously, except to question Captain Mainwaring's decisions - "Do you think that's wise, Sir?". His military bearing is poor, with his tunic collar and cuffs always undone and his power of command is terrible. Instead of barking out military orders properly, he uses the phrase "would you mind" a great deal. Despite this, he holds the respect of both his men and the Walmington-On-Sea public.
He has a very close friendship with Mavis Pike, with whom he trusts with his ration book. It is believed by some that he may be the father of Frank Pike.Following the death of an uncle, Wilson has moved up the social ladder becoming the Honourable Arthur Wilson. This annoys Captain Mainwaring greatly.

Classification: Solitary/schizoid personality

 CLIVE DUNN AS LANCE CORPORAL JACK JONES, the Corporal and Butcher, who likes to be alert all the time, but never manages to keep up with the others. He is always volunteering to do things, and is famous for his lines of "They don't like it up 'em", and "Don't Panic!". Anxious: fear of failing and fear of looking stupid in the eyes of others.
Classification: Sensitive Style.

JOHN LAURIE AS PRIVATE JAMES FRAZER, a Scottish Private initially owner of a philatelist shop, and later on an undertaker. He is very tight with money, and can sometimes be rather bolshy. His famous line is "We're doomed!" 'Private James Frazer opened his undertakers business next door to Jones's butcher's shop in the High street,soon after he returned from the sea.
Born on the isle of Barra, a wild and lonely place just off the west coast of Scotland, he joined his first ship at the age of fourteen and spent the next thirty-five years roaming the world. Pearl fishing in the south seas, trading off the coast of Africa, a life packed full of adventure. His stories are legion. How many are true and how many are imagined no one will ever know.
He is not an optimist, and his interest in the occult has confirmed his belief that we are all doomed ! Doomed !' - Jimmy Perry & David Croft from "Dads Army" (Elm Tree Books 1975).

Classification: Idiosyncratic Style (contains paranoid traits; he sees danger where there is none)

MRS M. PIKE
Over-bearing mother of Frank Pike, Mavis maintains a close relationship with Sergeant Wilson for whom she always has an extra egg! However she's unpredictable and can get agressive with Wilson within seconds. Pike perhaps is the son resulting from an affair with Wilson.
Classification: Mercurial Style

JAMES BECK AS PRIVATE JOE WALKER (first 59 episodes), the platoons Spiv, who flaunts his black-market and can be a bit cheeky at times. Well known for being able to get almost anything on the black market, his piece d'resistance is his ability to obtain knicker elastic for the local women and scotch whisky for the local men - for an inflated price though!He was once suspected of helping Italian POW's to escape until it was found that he was actually smuggling them out to his radio set production line at night and smuggling them back into camp early in the morning! He dares to provoke Mainwaring. His sometimes nasty jokes with fellow soldiers seem to be triggered by his need for excitement. If you walk along the High Street in Walmington-on-Sea you will come to a small niche called Slope Alley. Many upstanding residents are seen frequenting this area during wartime, for if you were to traverse along the alleyway you would eventually come to a small shop, it doesn't look like a shop of course for the blinds are always down, but its proprieter Joe Walker, is a very cheeky cockney sort who would sell you just about anything you require, except his own Grandmother, for as he rightly say's, "there isn't the market for them!".
In his official capacity, Joe provides the residents of Walmington with essential supplies. He is often referred to as a "Black Marketeer" but as he defends, the essentials he supplies (everything from Knicker elastic to bottles of Whisky) do not fall off the back of a lorry on their own accord....they have to be pushed which makes his line of work very hard indeed.
His attempts at taking shortcuts in his work, ie :- having enemy parachutes made into pairs of ladies neglegie or producing excess off ration meat in the form of pigeons for Jonesy often lead to embarrassing results. His disapearance from the platoon for a brief period was probably connected with a similar escapade, for which he lay low in London for a time.

Classification: shameless Adventurous 'anti social' Style.

ARNOLD RIDLEY AS PRIVATE CHARLES GODFREY, an old man who used to be in services. He is very respectful, which often is unnoticed by Captain Mainwaring. He's always asking to 'Be Excused'. During WWI he got an important medal because of the many people he saved on the battlefield. "Private Charles Godfrey never did very much at all, except for a period during the first World War when, as a stretcher bearer in France, he won the military medal. He never wears it because he feels it would embarrass Captain Mainwaring, who hasn't got any medals. "
"Godfrey worked for Forty-five years in the gents outfitting at the Army and Navy stores, and returned to live in a small cottage with his two spinster sisters, Dolly and Cissy, at Walmington-on-Sea. As Mainwaring says, he's a useful man to have in a scrap, but he's not very good at running about, and he needs to be excused at times."
"However, he carries the first aid Kit, and is nearly always on hand to attend to wasp stings and other hazards of war."
- Jimmy Perry & David Croft from "Dads Army" (Elm Tree Books 1975).

Classification: Self Sacrificing Style with Devoted Style.

Edward Sinclair played the part of Verger MAURICE YEATMAN
The sycophantic Verger of St Aldhelm's Church, Maurice Yeatman is the leader of the Walmington-On-Sea Sea Scouts. He is always running to the Vicar with tales of Mainwaring's wrong doings and when he is not doing this, he is spreading rumours around Walmington-On-Sea.
He is often in league with Chief ARP Warden Hodges as they try to disrupt Captain Mainwaring's plans.
.Classification: Leisurely/negativistic style (with dependent traits)

IAN LAVENDER AS PRIVATE FRANK PIKE, the youngest platoon member, who's rather a Mummy's boy, and knows Sergeant Wilson as 'Uncle Arthur'. A lot of the things he is asked to do, are met with his response of "My Mum won't like that, Mr. Mainwaring!". Whenever he makes a serious mistake, Captain Mainwaring usually says to him "You Stupid boy!". The youngest member of the platoon, Pike works as a clerk in Swallow Bank during the day. His mother, Mavis, has a relationship with Sergeant "Uncle Arthur" Wilson which he obviously does not understand! It is not known who his father was, but it is suspected that it could be Wilson.
An avid film fan, he is often quoting lines from the cinema which took a gangster slant when he was issued with a "Chicago Piano" (Tommy-gun). Private Frank Pike works in the daytime as a clerk at the bank. He is the youngest member of the platoon, and is very proud of the fact that he carries the Tommy gun. He takes it with him everywhere. When The manager of the local cinema wouldn't let him in because it was a horror film, Pike said that if he was old enough to carry a Tommy gun, he was old enough to see Boris Karloff. He is an avid reader, and takes Hotspur, Wizard and Film Pictorial every week. His favourite Wireless programme is Happydrome. He likes it when Enoch says 'Let me tell you.' He say's, 'He's even more of a 'Stupid boy' than I am'. - Jimmy Perry & David Croft from "Dads Army" (Elm Tree Books 1975).

His youthful exuberance often gets him into trouble with Captain Mainwaring, who details Pike for most of the dirty or wet jobs at every possible moment. Pike was called up for the RAF but was rejected due to his having a rare blood group. This has put paid to his ambition to be a Spitfire pilot.
Private Pike was played by Ian Lavender.

Classification: dependent style (naive, 'dumb') mixed with negativistic style (resistent to demands, somatic complaints to escape work assignments); 'passive-dependent' style

HODGES
At times it seems that Chief Warden William Hodges, played by Bill Pertwee, is a greater enemy to Captain Mainwaring than any German! He would do anything to wind him up - including calling him "Napoleon"! He is always trying to push out the Home Guard in favour of his beloved ARP Wardens - unless danger is involved when he quickly withdraws!The local greengrocer, Hodges strikes fear into everybody with his cry of "Put that light out!". On more than one occasion, he has made advances to Mrs Pike (his tenant), much to Sergeant Wilson's annoyance!
Hodges is the sadistic competitor for power with Mainwaring; laughing loudly when Mainwaring fails. The platoon should work closer with the ARP, their chief warden is Mr. Hodges, the rather common green-grocer, whom, when he arrives on scene, immediately allways friction by demanding things from the platoon. They have to do as Hodges says.
Classification: Agressive Style

Comments anyone?
Jan

Episode texts:

SERIES 1
EPISODE 1 - THE MAN AND THE HOUR
At Swallow Bank, Pike has to fill sandbags and put sticky paper across the windows. Meanwhile, Mainwaring listens to Anthony Eden on the radio, when he announces the forming of the Local Defence Volunteers (LDV). He tells Wilson that he will set up a unit, where he will be the commander, and Wilson second in command. That evening in the church hall, volunteers include Jones the butcher, who used to fight in the Sudan, Frazer, who owns a philatelist shop, Godfrey, a retired soldier, Walker, who is able to supply essentials, and of course Pike, who is also an office-boy at the bank. He tells the members to gather whatever weapons they can, and bring them to the evening parade. These things include mainly carving knives tied to broom handles. During that parade, he demonstrates how to blow up an enemy tank, using blankets soaked in petrol. This alerts various ideas from the platoon, such as stuffing spuds in exhaust pipes. He is pleased with the initiative the platoon seem to have. Suddenly, an expected delivery of uniform and weapons arrives, but it is merely armbands and peppercorns. He realises however, that every little bit helps, and boasts "So come on Adolf! We're ready for you!"
EPISODE 2 - MUSEUM PIECE
While still waiting for the uniforms and weapons to arrive, Mainwaring receives a letter instructing the bank to close the Peabody Museum of Historic Army Weapons' account for the duration. He suddenly realises that that is where he can get his hands on some weapons, and in spite of Wilson's point of it being stealing, at 1800 hours, Operation Gun Grab begins. Before they get in, they have to outwit the caretaker, who is in fact Jones' father. They are not successful at breaking the door down, so instead, Private Frazer, disguised as an ARP Warden, tells him he's showing a light. With the help of a bottle of whiskey, he manages to get him to come out and see for himself, whilst the rest of the platoon enter. They manage to seize a Chinese Rocket Gun, and although Mainwaring isn't particularly enthused by it, he has to eat his words when the boy-scout (who let him use their delivery cart), lights the fuse, and the platoon have to shelter under the table.
EPISODE 3 - COMMAND DECISION
Whilst the lack of weapons causes low morale for the platoon, Captain Mainwaring receives a visit at the bank from an old campaigner, Colonel Square, who offers the platoon 20 rifles. However, in return, Mainwaring must surrender the platoon. He reluctantly agrees, and goes to visit his home in Marsham Hall. He changes his mind about the deal, when he discovers Square's crackpot plans to turn them into cavalry with circus horses and antiquarian muskets. Captain Mainwaring rashly decides to promise the platoon that they will have weapons by the end of the week. He later receives a letter saying that instead of LDV, they will now be called the 'Home Guard'. Meanwhile, by the end of the week, he regrets his promise of weapons, until suddenly, five guns arrive, bringing joy to the platoon.
EPISODE 4 - ENEMY WITHIN THE GATES
Mainwaring's lecture on dealing with enemy agents is interrupted by a monocle-wearing officer, with a suspicious accent. Not taking any chances, they arrest the man and plan an interrogation until he convinces them he's a Polish captain serving with GHQ, and is simply there to inform them of a £10 reward for every Nazi arrested. Whilst on night patrol, Jones' section first accidentally shoot a swan, then get caught slacking by the Polish Captain, who takes their names, and then they capture two German pilots. They are taken to the church hall, where Godfrey credulously lets them escape. They are soon recaptured by the Polish captain, who escorts them back to the hall. When the military police arrive to arrest the prisoners, they mistakenly arrest the Polish captain too, and reward the platoon a total of £30. Mainwaring decides to spend some of a platoon dinner, whereupon Walker offers to supply a rare medieval luxury - roast swan.
EPISODE 5 - THE SHOWING UP OF CORPORAL JONES
Major Regan visits from area HQ to monitor progress from everything from use of weapons to first aid. Just when things seem to be running smoothly, he labels Jones a 'potential danger', who forgot how to aim his rifle, and got his glasses steamed up while charging a dummy with his bayonet. Jones' fate is decided on his ability to negotiate an assault course in 15 minutes. The night before the test, his outlook is bleak, but then, certain platoon members cook up a plan. Strategically placed along the course, the other men, each do different parts of the assault course, with two minutes to spare. Suspecting something fishy, Major Regan decideds to inspect the assault course, and ends up getting lost.
EPISODE 6 - SHOOTING PAINS
Mainwaring and Wilson discuss the forthcoming shooting practice, and the fiasco the last time - the platoon mistook the tyres on the area commander's staff car for the target! Mainwaring's platoon is chosen to provide the Guard of Honour for the Prime Minister's impending visit. However, the sloppy shooting at the range forces the major to reconsider his views, and instead, select the Eastgate platoon. To decide upon the matter, a shooting contest is arranged, in which three of Walmington's men compete against the Eastgate platoon. A visit to the local Hippodrome that evening, sparks off one of Walker's devious plans. The entertainer of the Hippodrome audience, Laura La Plaz, who has the firing skills, dresses up as a platoon member, in order to help Walmington win the shooting contest. Unfortunately, the scheme looks set to backfire, when Laura La Plaz's system is disallowed by Mainwaring, which affects her performance. But then Frazer steps up and clinches victory by scoring five bull's-eyes, telling Mainwaring that it was seeing a young girl that took his mind off telling him that he was a champion at shooting targets. Finally, the platoon get to be Guard of Honour for Winston Churchill.
SERIES 2
EPISODE 1 - OPERATION KILT *
The platoon are completing their first PT lesson, during which Captain Ogilvy, from the Highland Regiment, arrives to brief the men about some manoeuvres on Saturday night, in which six of the Highland Regiment will attempt to capture Mainwaring's HQ. The Walmington boys outnumber Ogilvy's bunch by three to one, and therefore shouldn't have any problems. The Walmington platoon go to Manor Farm, Ogilvy's base, where Jones dresses up as a pantomime cow, in a field with 40 real cows. After this backfires, they decide to lay man traps. Unfortunately, after capturing most of Ogilvy's men, Jones ends up getting caught in a man trap, but then so does Captain Ogilvy, who ends up showing what Scotsmen wear under their kilt.
EPISODE 2 - THE BATTLE OF GODFREY'S COTTAGE *
In the event of an invasion, Godfrey's cottage gets picked as a machine-gun post. Mainwaring, who is in thr bank's vault, fails to hear the ringing of the church bells, heralding a German invasion (so everyone thinks). While Wilson and pike head towards the Novelty Rock Emporium, Jones and Frazer inform Mainwaring and then head for the cottage. They are not aware that Wilson and Pike are elsewhere. They eventually go towards the cottage, which the rest of the platoon are guarding. Jones, meanwhile, has to nip outside to use the outside toilet, when Wilson and Pike mistake him for a German. They begin shooting, until Godfrey's sister waves her tea cloth out of the window, which Wilson and Pike take as a sign of surrender. When they move towards the home, they find their enemies are none other than their own men.
EPISODE 3 - THE LONELINESS OF THE LONG-DISTANCE WALKER *
Walker receives his call up. The platoon see this as bad news, because of his ability to supply things off the ration. Regarding Walker as too important to leave, Mainwaring fights the War Office on his behalf. Unfortunately, it doesn't do any good - Walker still joins up. However, a few days later, the platoon are relieved when he is discharged, after he's found to be allergic to corned beef.
EPISODE 4 - SGT. WILSON'S LITTLE SECRET
Mrs. Pike receives a letter from the WVS, asking her to take in an evacuee. She tells Pike that it will be nice being a mother again. However, Wilson, who overhears this, misinterprets - he thinks Mavis is pregnant! Eventually, he confides in Mainwaring, who, as his superior, sees no alternative than for Wilson and Mavis to wed. He arranges for the platoon to provide the guard of honour at the wedding, whilst Wilson practises the ceremonial march with Jones substituting for Mrs. Pike. At that moment, Mavis comes into the church hall with Little Arthur. When she introduces him to Wilson, the confusion is all cleared, and Wilson breathes a sigh of relief.
EPISODE 5 - A STRIPE FOR FRAZER *
Mainwaring is allowed to promote someone to Corporal. Rather than giving the job to Jones, he suggests installing another Lance-Corporal, and seeing who performs the best. Although Wilson advises him against it, Mainwaring, classing himself as a shrewd judge of character, chooses Frazer. This competition causes intense rivalry between the two candidates, and a lot of fawning towards Mainwaring. Frazer's brash attitudes and overpowering desire to impress, the men start taking a dislike to, especially when he books Pike for deserting his post and cowardice in the face of the enemy, and Walker for mutiny. When Jones is added to the list, action is required, anfd Frazer soon falls out of contention for promotion.
EPISODE 6 - UNDER FIRE *
While the platoon are fire watching, Frazer spots a light flashing on the corner of Mortimer Street, and the platoon suspect a spy is signalling to the enemy planes overhead. The suspect whom the platoon arrest, is a Mr. Murphy, who claims to be a British citizen, although he was born in Austria. Meanwhile, the church hall is hit with an incendiary device, which cause a fire that the platoon struggles to control. Mrs. Pike manages to extinguish the fire, by smothering it with sandbags. She also stands up for Mr. Murphy, when she claims he was married to her Auntie Ethel's cousin.
SERIES 3
EPISODE 1 - THE ARMOURED MIGHT OF LANCE CORPORAL JONES
After giving the platoon a lecture on use of respirators, and of a new weapon (a cheese cutter), Mainwaring tells the platoon that they should work closer with the ARP, until it is revealed that the new chief warden is Mr. Hodges, the rather common green-grocer, whom, when he arrives on scene, immediately causes friction by demanding use of the hall every Wednesday evening. Meanwhile, Walker talks Jones into donating his van to the platoon (for one of his dodgy deals). He tells Jones about the petrol coupons he'll obtain, but it gets converted into gas for fuel economy. Hodges soon requisitions the van as an ambulance during his air raid practise, where the platoon are forced to become stretcher bearers. Chaos is sooned caused when Jones comes without his keys, and the back door is locked. While he goes to his shop to get the keys, the platoon attempt to get the man in an alternative way. The man, getting impatient, decides to walk to the hospital.
EPISODE 2 - BATTLE SCHOOL
The platoon take a train ride to a weekend camp and a course in guerrilla warfare. It is only a mile away, but it takes four hours for the train to arrive. Mainwaring is hungry and grouchy, and, when the platoon arrive, their hunger pains deepen when they discover they've missed supper. They then oversleep and miss breakfast too. That morning, they set out to capture Captain Rodrigues' base. While Frazer thinks there's no chance of him finding it, Mainwaring discovers a secret tunnel, which leads straight into the HQ, and tells the platoon they'll capture the base at nightfall. While they are there, Walker lays his hands on some food, which, back on the train, he distributes amongst the platoon. Also on the train, Frazer tells Mainwaring how he never doubted him for a whole minute.
EPISODE 3 - THE LION HAS PHONES
Of all things, Mainwaring is teaching his platoon how to use a phone in a phone-box. Some ladies join the queue, and ask what's going on, and Walker, taking advantage, telling them that they're making all the calls they can, because they're being rationed to one a day, and offers them as many calls as they like for a price. That night, while Frazer and Wilson are on patrol, they witness a German bomber crash in the reservoir. Mainwaring arrives, whilst Walker is missing. Jones goes to phone GHQ, but gets the wrong number. He speaks to the cashier at the Plaza Cinema, and gets confused upon hearing her say that the film's title is 'One Of Our Aircraft Is Missing', and Eric Portman and Googie Withers are in it! Back at the reservoir, Hodges and Lieutenant Hope Bruce from GHQ arrive to help, that is after Mainwaring claims they've had the cheek to fire at them. When Walker arrives, he tells Mainwaring that everything's sorted, after he's had a word with a reservoir official, who has opened the sluices, making the Germans swim for their lives.
EPISODE 4 - THE BULLET IS NOT FOR FIRING
When the platoon use up their ammo in a night's exercise, Mainwaring insists on holding a court of inquiry so as to get more ammo, in spite of Walker's offer of getting some cheap. Meanwhile, while Mainwaring is trying to unclog a rifle, he breaks the bannister, and the verger calls him a vandal. Come the Inquiry, it is constantly interrupted by the vicar's choir practise in the office, and the platoon coming in to shelter from the rain. It is suggested that the troops all give their evidence together, during which Jones hears the Nunc Dimittis from the office, and thinks it's angel's voices, and his time has come! Whilst giving a demonstration, the ceiling gets blown down, and the verger gives his familiar cry of "Vandals!".
EPISODE 5 - SOMETHING NASTY IN THE VAULT
A bank inspection is interrupted by an air raid, after which, it is discovered that the bank has taken a direct hit. In the vault, Mainwaring and Wilson find themselves holding an unexploded bomb. Using a fishing reel, Frazer manages to fish the key to the vault out of Mainwaring's pocket. As well as Walker attempting to help himself to some of the money, the platoon devise a crane to remove the bomb from Mainwaring an Wilson's hands. Later, when Walker hands a cheque, it is recognised as a dud, and Mainwaring sees his money is bank property, which is met with his feeble excuse of "Is it? I thought it was bomb damage!".
EPISODE 6 - ROOM AT THE BOTTOM
It is revealed that Mainwaring's self-appointment to captain isn't official, in fact, he hasn't even been commissioned as a lieutenant. He gets demoted to Private, and Wilson temporarily put in charge of the platoon, whilst Mainwaring wears a brave face and attends a drill exercise. Meanwhile, a training exercise turns into a failure under Wilson's command, and the platoon write to HQ, requesting that Mainwaring is reinstated.
EPISODE 7 - BIG GUNS
A naval gun is delivered to the platoon, but Mainwaring doesn't know how to use it. Frazer was in the Navy, but when asked if he knows how to use the gun, he reveals that he was mainly a cook. Luckily, a handbook comes with it. While giving a 'Tewt' (Tactical Exercise Without Troops), with a model of the town laid on a blackout screen, Mainwaring tells the platoon that the bandstand is blocking the line of fire, and that he has written to the council, saying he wants it down within 48 hours. It is a rare example of Victorian ironwork, which was erected to commemorate Queen Victoria's visit to the town in 1891, and Mr. Rees, the town clerk, and Mr. Bennett, the borough engineer, are not happy with his request. Mainwaring agrees to arrange a full scale demonstration on Sunday morning. Meanwhile, the as the platoon are about to continue their 'TEWT', the verger brings it to an abrupt halt, when he has to put the black-out screen up. When it comes to the demonstration on Sunday, the platoon end up getting caught up in the camouflage net, and Mr. Rees ends up telling Mainwaring that he'll tell his people they can sleep safe in their beds - providing they're inside the enemy tank!
EPISODE 8 - THE DAY THE BALLOON WENT UP
Captain Mainwaring's drilling is interrupted by the vicar's discovery of a rude word on the spare harmonium in the tower room. Mainwaring gets all the platoon to copy the letters, and the vicar to compare the handwriting. This is soon interrupted by the sight of the verger swinging to and fro across the outside of the window. It is discovered he's caught on the cable of a barrage balloon. He is soon freed, but then the platoon have to decide what to do with the balloon. With the RAF unlikely to be able to help before nightfall, it is decided to take the balloon to Pinnerfields and tie it to a tree. However, it gets tied to a rotten piece of wood, and ends escaping and taking Mainwaring with it. The platoon jump into Jones' van and follow it, and, after they finally catch it, an RAF Officer arrives. The platoon salute him, and as they do, they let the balloon go. They quickly get into the van to follow the balloon again.
EPISODE 9 - WAR DANCE
Pike is nearly 19, and going out with ATS girl Violet Gibbons. Her mother used to clean for Mainwaring, whilst Violet worked in a fish and chip shop, and Woolworth's. Mainwaring, who doesn't approve of the couple due to his concern for Pike's future at the bank, persuades Wilson to have a talk with Pike. However, his attempt fails, and at a Home Guard dance, Pike, is determined to announce his engagement. Meanwhile, in an argument with the verger about his welcome there, Jones tells him that he's a trouble- maker, and reminds him that they never found out who wrote the rude word on the spare harmonium. Pike, meanwhile, announces his engagement, in spite of Jones' attempt to keep him away from the microphone. His mother, who previously knew nothing about the relationship, throws a bucket of water at him, and he soon decides that married life isn't for him after all.
EPISODE 10 - MENACE FROM THE DEEP
As two sailors who have been guarding the machine gun post at the end of the pier leave town, the Home Guard unit take over for four nights. After struggling to get into the rowing boat, the platoon finally get there. After pike ties the boat to the telephone wire, it soon drifts away, along with the food, and the telephone is cut off. When they attempt to send an SOS signal, all they get is Hodges. He gets drunk on Walker's whiskey, and says that nobody loves him. Wilson tells Mainwaring not to upset him, as he is one of the best bowlers on the cricket team. That is not it for trouble, during the night, Jones spots a sea mine under the pier, which could blow up if it touches anything. After letting it drift away bit, the platoon attempt to blow it up. After a few vain attempts, Hodges manages to blow it up by throwing a stone at it, to which Mainwaring tells Wilson he's right - Hodges is a good bowler.
EPISODE 11 - BRANDED
Godfrey hands in his notice. Mainwaring interviews him, and he tells him that after finding a mouse in his pantry, he couldn't bring himself to kill it, and therefore doesn't know how he'll be able to fight the Germans, and confesses to having been a conscientious objector during ther last campaign. The platoon cold-shoulder him, and when he makes them some tea and biscuits, none of them accept. Meanwhile, the platoon participate in a smoke-filled room, and Mainwaring, after going through, decides there's not enough smoke in it. After increasing it, he goes through again, and ends up passing out. His life is saved by Godfrey. The platoon all visit him, while he's in bed, recovering from his ordeal, where Mainwaring sees a photo of him wearing the Military Medal, which he claims he doesn't wear because he doesn't like wearing medals with his uniform. Mainwaring decides to install Godfrey as the platoon's medical orderly.
EPISODE 12 - MAN HUNT
During a lecture about having to report all parachutes discovered, and state whether they're white (British) or cream (German), Frazer suggests getting a tracker dog, which Walker is able to get hold of. Meanwhile, Walker tells Mainwaring that he found a parachute the other week, and had it made up into eight dozen pairs of ladies knickers. He says he can't remember what colour it was, and has already sold all the produce at his market. They decide to go house-knocking, to try to find someone who's brought a pair, but have no joy. Meanwhile, Walker introduces the dog to the platoon, and they try him out. When Mrs. Pike interrupts, the dog goes for her, and she ends up showing her white knickers, whereupon Walker suddenly remembers he sold the last pair to Mrs. Pike, and that it was a British parachute. When a discarde parachute is discovered in the area, the platoon end up tracking down who they think is a German saboteur with a bomb, but is really a Viennese ornithologist with an a rare bird's egg. Suddenly, a German pilot catches up with them, and complains that they have been running away, whilst he was trying to give himself up.
EPISODE 13 - NO SPRING FOR FRAZER
When Frazer hands in the Lewis gun, Mainwaring inspects it, and finds the butterfly spring is missing. He suspects the spring fell into a coffin, which Mr. Drury has taken. When they go to see him, they find the coffin has gone, for Horace Blewitt. He is now resting in his brother Sidney's house, where the platoon enter and find the lid is screwed down. They try sneaking into the house in the night, and after that fails, suggesting there is an unexploded bomb in the churchyard, thus causing the funeral to be abandoned. When they go to the graveyard to have another go at retrieving the spring, the verger sees them running off. Mainwaring is forced to have Frazer court-martialled, but while he is on the phone, Frazer suddenly finds that the spring was in his pocket all the time. Mainwaring leaves Godfrey to deal with the call, who asks the person on the end if they have an account with them.
EPISODE 14 - SONS OF THE SEA
To pay off the debts of the late Mr. Johnson, Mainwaring takes possession of his boat, 'The Naughty Jane'. The platoon use it for river patrols, and that evening, decide to test it out. They end up getting lost in the fog, and drifting into the English Channel. Eventually, they reach land, where Jones hears French voices, it is thought they've drifted across the Channel. Actually, it a nearby party is being held by the French Canadians, to celebrate the shooting down of their 50th Nazi plane for the enemy. The platoon meanwhile, hide in a railway wagon for the night, but when they awake, they find they are travelling through the countryside. Mainwaring tells the platoon to take off their tunics and forage hats and get rid of their rifle bolts (in case they fall into enemy hands), and each time the train stops, he will drop someone off, and they'll make their own way back home. The first stop, he finds is at a station, where there is a man waiting. In an attempt to bluff his way out, Mainwaring asks the man, "Qu'est-ce que c'est la gare?", to which he replies "Oh, la gare est 'Eastborne', actually", and then asks why they're talking French. The platoon suddenly realise they're in England, and cry out in relief. When the man says that he's waiting for the 12.30 to Walmington-on-Sea, Wilson suggests they wait with him and be back in time for lunch, but Mainwaring tells the platoon they're to go back along the tracks and retrieve their rifle bolts.

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: DADS ARMY : A comedy series set in Walmington-on Sea, during the Second World War, about a keen but rather incompetent Home-Guard, starring: : : ARTHUR LOWE AS CAPTAIN GEORGE MAINWARING, the Home-Guard Captain and pompous Bank Manager, who likes people to think he's really important, and never admits to his mistakes and doesn't approve of Sergeant Wilson questioning his tactics. Arthur Lowe played the part of George Mainwaring, stuffy bank manager of Swallow Bank, Walmington-On-Sea branch. He appointed himself Captain of the Platoon on account of his service in France in 1919! : "Captain George Mainwaring is often quoted as saying that his father kept a tailor's shop in the best part of Eastbourne, and was a member of the Master Tailors Guild. However according to Jones, who is the only one who remembers Eastbourne at the time, Mainwarings father in fact kept a small gent's outfitters in a side street, with old workmen's trousers hanging up outside. In spite of his humble background, he was determined to be someone and by application and hard work he managed to gain a scholarship to the local Grammar school. When he left in 1902, he toyed with the vain hope that he might become a soldier. It had been a dream of his since childhood, but in those day's a Grammar school education was hardly a fitting background for an officer and a gentleman. Besides, he had no money. He took up a position in Martin's Bank where, after twelve years hard work, he became Assistant Chief Clerk." : "When the war broke out in 1914, he at once volunteered. At last he was going to be a soldier, and be able to wear on his chest those medals he had craved for all his life. But he was turned down because of his eyesight. During the next few years he made repeated attempts to join up and at last, thanks once more to his determination, he was commisioned as a 2nd Lieutenant in the pioneer corps. Mainwaring arrived in France on 14 November 1918, forty eight hours after the Armistice, just too late to get any medals." : "In 1919, with his hopes of glory dashed, he returned to civilian life, where he met and married Elizabeth, a large girl, who helped her sister to run a small wool shop. in later life he wondered if she was in fact knitted, instead of flesh and blood - there was no issue from the union. He threw himself into his work, and in 1935 his ambition was achieved when he was promoted to manager of Martin's (Swallows) Bank, Walmington on sea. At the age of fifty-five it seemed that his dreams of serving his country on active service were past. However , fate took a hand, and when in 1940 the Nazi invasion of these islands threatened, he grasped the opportunity with both hands and formed the Walmington on Sea Local Defence Volunteers (later to become the Home Guard). By his efforts he welded them into a crack fighting force. At last, he had found his true destiny. But as we know the German's never came, and alas, there were no medals for Mainwaring." : - Jimmy Perry & David Croft from "Dads Army" (Elm Tree Books 1975). : He is married to the formidable Elizabeth. We never see her at all in any of the tv episodes or the film. However, I have managed to find a couple of pictures of her. Check out her page - Elizabeth Mainwaring. From working-class stock, his father was a draper (although he maintains that he was really a master-tailor) and he has an alcoholic brother. Educated at a grammar school, he suffers from an inferiority complex when dealing with ex-public schoolboy Sergeant Wilson. : Always looking for an opportunity to do battle with the enemy, most of his engagements actually occur with Chief Warden Bill Hodges, especially over the booking of the Church Hall. : Classification: Self Confident/(Compensatory) narcissistic Style (the basis of which is an inferiority complex which causes the need for external admiration - since it can't be generated internally) mixed with Serious Style : : JOHN LE MESURIER AS SERGEANT ARTHUR WILSON, the stoic Sergeant and Bank Clerk. Doesn't display much authority and seems relatively emotionless. He is a close friend of Private Pike and his mother. Wilson never seems to take anything seriously, except to question Captain Mainwaring's decisions - "Do you think that's wise, Sir?". His military bearing is poor, with his tunic collar and cuffs always undone and his power of command is terrible. Instead of barking out military orders properly, he uses the phrase "would you mind" a great deal. Despite this, he holds the respect of both his men and the Walmington-On-Sea public. : He has a very close friendship with Mavis Pike, with whom he trusts with his ration book. It is believed by some that he may be the father of Frank Pike.Following the death of an uncle, Wilson has moved up the social ladder becoming the Honourable Arthur Wilson. This annoys Captain Mainwaring greatly. : Classification: Solitary/schizoid personality :  CLIVE DUNN AS LANCE CORPORAL JACK JONES, the Corporal and Butcher, who likes to be alert all the time, but never manages to keep up with the others. He is always volunteering to do things, and is famous for his lines of "They don't like it up 'em", and "Don't Panic!". Anxious: fear of failing and fear of looking stupid in the eyes of others. : Classification: Sensitive Style. : : JOHN LAURIE AS PRIVATE JAMES FRAZER, a Scottish Private initially owner of a philatelist shop, and later on an undertaker. He is very tight with money, and can sometimes be rather bolshy. His famous line is "We're doomed!" 'Private James Frazer opened his undertakers business next door to Jones's butcher's shop in the High street,soon after he returned from the sea. : Born on the isle of Barra, a wild and lonely place just off the west coast of Scotland, he joined his first ship at the age of fourteen and spent the next thirty-five years roaming the world. Pearl fishing in the south seas, trading off the coast of Africa, a life packed full of adventure. His stories are legion. How many are true and how many are imagined no one will ever know. : He is not an optimist, and his interest in the occult has confirmed his belief that we are all doomed ! Doomed !' - Jimmy Perry & David Croft from "Dads Army" (Elm Tree Books 1975). : Classification: Idiosyncratic Style (contains paranoid traits; he sees danger where there is none) : : MRS M. PIKE : Over-bearing mother of Frank Pike, Mavis maintains a close relationship with Sergeant Wilson for whom she always has an extra egg! However she's unpredictable and can get agressive with Wilson within seconds. Pike perhaps is the son resulting from an affair with Wilson. : Classification: Mercurial Style : JAMES BECK AS PRIVATE JOE WALKER (first 59 episodes), the platoons Spiv, who flaunts his black-market and can be a bit cheeky at times. Well known for being able to get almost anything on the black market, his piece d'resistance is his ability to obtain knicker elastic for the local women and scotch whisky for the local men - for an inflated price though!He was once suspected of helping Italian POW's to escape until it was found that he was actually smuggling them out to his radio set production line at night and smuggling them back into camp early in the morning! He dares to provoke Mainwaring. His sometimes nasty jokes with fellow soldiers seem to be triggered by his need for excitement. If you walk along the High Street in Walmington-on-Sea you will come to a small niche called Slope Alley. Many upstanding residents are seen frequenting this area during wartime, for if you were to traverse along the alleyway you would eventually come to a small shop, it doesn't look like a shop of course for the blinds are always down, but its proprieter Joe Walker, is a very cheeky cockney sort who would sell you just about anything you require, except his own Grandmother, for as he rightly say's, "there isn't the market for them!". : In his official capacity, Joe provides the residents of Walmington with essential supplies. He is often referred to as a "Black Marketeer" but as he defends, the essentials he supplies (everything from Knicker elastic to bottles of Whisky) do not fall off the back of a lorry on their own accord....they have to be pushed which makes his line of work very hard indeed. : His attempts at taking shortcuts in his work, ie :- having enemy parachutes made into pairs of ladies neglegie or producing excess off ration meat in the form of pigeons for Jonesy often lead to embarrassing results. His disapearance from the platoon for a brief period was probably connected with a similar escapade, for which he lay low in London for a time. : Classification: shameless Adventurous 'anti social' Style. : ARNOLD RIDLEY AS PRIVATE CHARLES GODFREY, an old man who used to be in services. He is very respectful, which often is unnoticed by Captain Mainwaring. He's always asking to 'Be Excused'. During WWI he got an important medal because of the many people he saved on the battlefield. "Private Charles Godfrey never did very much at all, except for a period during the first World War when, as a stretcher bearer in France, he won the military medal. He never wears it because he feels it would embarrass Captain Mainwaring, who hasn't got any medals. " : "Godfrey worked for Forty-five years in the gents outfitting at the Army and Navy stores, and returned to live in a small cottage with his two spinster sisters, Dolly and Cissy, at Walmington-on-Sea. As Mainwaring says, he's a useful man to have in a scrap, but he's not very good at running about, and he needs to be excused at times." : "However, he carries the first aid Kit, and is nearly always on hand to attend to wasp stings and other hazards of war." : - Jimmy Perry & David Croft from "Dads Army" (Elm Tree Books 1975). : Classification: Self Sacrificing Style with Devoted Style. : : Edward Sinclair played the part of Verger MAURICE YEATMAN : The sycophantic Verger of St Aldhelm's Church, Maurice Yeatman is the leader of the Walmington-On-Sea Sea Scouts. He is always running to the Vicar with tales of Mainwaring's wrong doings and when he is not doing this, he is spreading rumours around Walmington-On-Sea. : He is often in league with Chief ARP Warden Hodges as they try to disrupt Captain Mainwaring's plans. : .Classification: Leisurely/negativistic style (with dependent traits) : : IAN LAVENDER AS PRIVATE FRANK PIKE, the youngest platoon member, who's rather a Mummy's boy, and knows Sergeant Wilson as 'Uncle Arthur'. A lot of the things he is asked to do, are met with his response of "My Mum won't like that, Mr. Mainwaring!". Whenever he makes a serious mistake, Captain Mainwaring usually says to him "You Stupid boy!". The youngest member of the platoon, Pike works as a clerk in Swallow Bank during the day. His mother, Mavis, has a relationship with Sergeant "Uncle Arthur" Wilson which he obviously does not understand! It is not known who his father was, but it is suspected that it could be Wilson. : An avid film fan, he is often quoting lines from the cinema which took a gangster slant when he was issued with a "Chicago Piano" (Tommy-gun). Private Frank Pike works in the daytime as a clerk at the bank. He is the youngest member of the platoon, and is very proud of the fact that he carries the Tommy gun. He takes it with him everywhere. When The manager of the local cinema wouldn't let him in because it was a horror film, Pike said that if he was old enough to carry a Tommy gun, he was old enough to see Boris Karloff. He is an avid reader, and takes Hotspur, Wizard and Film Pictorial every week. His favourite Wireless programme is Happydrome. He likes it when Enoch says 'Let me tell you.' He say's, 'He's even more of a 'Stupid boy' than I am'. - Jimmy Perry & David Croft from "Dads Army" (Elm Tree Books 1975). : His youthful exuberance often gets him into trouble with Captain Mainwaring, who details Pike for most of the dirty or wet jobs at every possible moment. Pike was called up for the RAF but was rejected due to his having a rare blood group. This has put paid to his ambition to be a Spitfire pilot. : Private Pike was played by Ian Lavender. : Classification: dependent style (naive, 'dumb') mixed with negativistic style (resistent to demands, somatic complaints to escape work assignments); 'passive-dependent' style : HODGES : At times it seems that Chief Warden William Hodges, played by Bill Pertwee, is a greater enemy to Captain Mainwaring than any German! He would do anything to wind him up - including calling him "Napoleon"! He is always trying to push out the Home Guard in favour of his beloved ARP Wardens - unless danger is involved when he quickly withdraws!The local greengrocer, Hodges strikes fear into everybody with his cry of "Put that light out!". On more than one occasion, he has made advances to Mrs Pike (his tenant), much to Sergeant Wilson's annoyance! : Hodges is the sadistic competitor for power with Mainwaring; laughing loudly when Mainwaring fails. The platoon should work closer with the ARP, their chief warden is Mr. Hodges, the rather common green-grocer, whom, when he arrives on scene, immediately allways friction by demanding things from the platoon. They have to do as Hodges says. : Classification: Agressive Style : Comments anyone? : Jan : : Episode texts: : SERIES 1 : EPISODE 1 - THE MAN AND THE HOUR : At Swallow Bank, Pike has to fill sandbags and put sticky paper across the windows. Meanwhile, Mainwaring listens to Anthony Eden on the radio, when he announces the forming of the Local Defence Volunteers (LDV). He tells Wilson that he will set up a unit, where he will be the commander, and Wilson second in command. That evening in the church hall, volunteers include Jones the butcher, who used to fight in the Sudan, Frazer, who owns a philatelist shop, Godfrey, a retired soldier, Walker, who is able to supply essentials, and of course Pike, who is also an office-boy at the bank. He tells the members to gather whatever weapons they can, and bring them to the evening parade. These things include mainly carving knives tied to broom handles. During that parade, he demonstrates how to blow up an enemy tank, using blankets soaked in petrol. This alerts various ideas from the platoon, such as stuffing spuds in exhaust pipes. He is pleased with the initiative the platoon seem to have. Suddenly, an expected delivery of uniform and weapons arrives, but it is merely armbands and peppercorns. He realises however, that every little bit helps, and boasts "So come on Adolf! We're ready for you!" : EPISODE 2 - MUSEUM PIECE : While still waiting for the uniforms and weapons to arrive, Mainwaring receives a letter instructing the bank to close the Peabody Museum of Historic Army Weapons' account for the duration. He suddenly realises that that is where he can get his hands on some weapons, and in spite of Wilson's point of it being stealing, at 1800 hours, Operation Gun Grab begins. Before they get in, they have to outwit the caretaker, who is in fact Jones' father. They are not successful at breaking the door down, so instead, Private Frazer, disguised as an ARP Warden, tells him he's showing a light. With the help of a bottle of whiskey, he manages to get him to come out and see for himself, whilst the rest of the platoon enter. They manage to seize a Chinese Rocket Gun, and although Mainwaring isn't particularly enthused by it, he has to eat his words when the boy-scout (who let him use their delivery cart), lights the fuse, and the platoon have to shelter under the table. : EPISODE 3 - COMMAND DECISION : Whilst the lack of weapons causes low morale for the platoon, Captain Mainwaring receives a visit at the bank from an old campaigner, Colonel Square, who offers the platoon 20 rifles. However, in return, Mainwaring must surrender the platoon. He reluctantly agrees, and goes to visit his home in Marsham Hall. He changes his mind about the deal, when he discovers Square's crackpot plans to turn them into cavalry with circus horses and antiquarian muskets. Captain Mainwaring rashly decides to promise the platoon that they will have weapons by the end of the week. He later receives a letter saying that instead of LDV, they will now be called the 'Home Guard'. Meanwhile, by the end of the week, he regrets his promise of weapons, until suddenly, five guns arrive, bringing joy to the platoon. : EPISODE 4 - ENEMY WITHIN THE GATES : Mainwaring's lecture on dealing with enemy agents is interrupted by a monocle-wearing officer, with a suspicious accent. Not taking any chances, they arrest the man and plan an interrogation until he convinces them he's a Polish captain serving with GHQ, and is simply there to inform them of a £10 reward for every Nazi arrested. Whilst on night patrol, Jones' section first accidentally shoot a swan, then get caught slacking by the Polish Captain, who takes their names, and then they capture two German pilots. They are taken to the church hall, where Godfrey credulously lets them escape. They are soon recaptured by the Polish captain, who escorts them back to the hall. When the military police arrive to arrest the prisoners, they mistakenly arrest the Polish captain too, and reward the platoon a total of £30. Mainwaring decides to spend some of a platoon dinner, whereupon Walker offers to supply a rare medieval luxury - roast swan. : EPISODE 5 - THE SHOWING UP OF CORPORAL JONES : Major Regan visits from area HQ to monitor progress from everything from use of weapons to first aid. Just when things seem to be running smoothly, he labels Jones a 'potential danger', who forgot how to aim his rifle, and got his glasses steamed up while charging a dummy with his bayonet. Jones' fate is decided on his ability to negotiate an assault course in 15 minutes. The night before the test, his outlook is bleak, but then, certain platoon members cook up a plan. Strategically placed along the course, the other men, each do different parts of the assault course, with two minutes to spare. Suspecting something fishy, Major Regan decideds to inspect the assault course, and ends up getting lost. : EPISODE 6 - SHOOTING PAINS : Mainwaring and Wilson discuss the forthcoming shooting practice, and the fiasco the last time - the platoon mistook the tyres on the area commander's staff car for the target! Mainwaring's platoon is chosen to provide the Guard of Honour for the Prime Minister's impending visit. However, the sloppy shooting at the range forces the major to reconsider his views, and instead, select the Eastgate platoon. To decide upon the matter, a shooting contest is arranged, in which three of Walmington's men compete against the Eastgate platoon. A visit to the local Hippodrome that evening, sparks off one of Walker's devious plans. The entertainer of the Hippodrome audience, Laura La Plaz, who has the firing skills, dresses up as a platoon member, in order to help Walmington win the shooting contest. Unfortunately, the scheme looks set to backfire, when Laura La Plaz's system is disallowed by Mainwaring, which affects her performance. But then Frazer steps up and clinches victory by scoring five bull's-eyes, telling Mainwaring that it was seeing a young girl that took his mind off telling him that he was a champion at shooting targets. Finally, the platoon get to be Guard of Honour for Winston Churchill. : SERIES 2 : EPISODE 1 - OPERATION KILT * : The platoon are completing their first PT lesson, during which Captain Ogilvy, from the Highland Regiment, arrives to brief the men about some manoeuvres on Saturday night, in which six of the Highland Regiment will attempt to capture Mainwaring's HQ. The Walmington boys outnumber Ogilvy's bunch by three to one, and therefore shouldn't have any problems. The Walmington platoon go to Manor Farm, Ogilvy's base, where Jones dresses up as a pantomime cow, in a field with 40 real cows. After this backfires, they decide to lay man traps. Unfortunately, after capturing most of Ogilvy's men, Jones ends up getting caught in a man trap, but then so does Captain Ogilvy, who ends up showing what Scotsmen wear under their kilt. : EPISODE 2 - THE BATTLE OF GODFREY'S COTTAGE * : In the event of an invasion, Godfrey's cottage gets picked as a machine-gun post. Mainwaring, who is in thr bank's vault, fails to hear the ringing of the church bells, heralding a German invasion (so everyone thinks). While Wilson and pike head towards the Novelty Rock Emporium, Jones and Frazer inform Mainwaring and then head for the cottage. They are not aware that Wilson and Pike are elsewhere. They eventually go towards the cottage, which the rest of the platoon are guarding. Jones, meanwhile, has to nip outside to use the outside toilet, when Wilson and Pike mistake him for a German. They begin shooting, until Godfrey's sister waves her tea cloth out of the window, which Wilson and Pike take as a sign of surrender. When they move towards the home, they find their enemies are none other than their own men. : EPISODE 3 - THE LONELINESS OF THE LONG-DISTANCE WALKER * : Walker receives his call up. The platoon see this as bad news, because of his ability to supply things off the ration. Regarding Walker as too important to leave, Mainwaring fights the War Office on his behalf. Unfortunately, it doesn't do any good - Walker still joins up. However, a few days later, the platoon are relieved when he is discharged, after he's found to be allergic to corned beef. : EPISODE 4 - SGT. WILSON'S LITTLE SECRET : Mrs. Pike receives a letter from the WVS, asking her to take in an evacuee. She tells Pike that it will be nice being a mother again. However, Wilson, who overhears this, misinterprets - he thinks Mavis is pregnant! Eventually, he confides in Mainwaring, who, as his superior, sees no alternative than for Wilson and Mavis to wed. He arranges for the platoon to provide the guard of honour at the wedding, whilst Wilson practises the ceremonial march with Jones substituting for Mrs. Pike. At that moment, Mavis comes into the church hall with Little Arthur. When she introduces him to Wilson, the confusion is all cleared, and Wilson breathes a sigh of relief. : EPISODE 5 - A STRIPE FOR FRAZER * : Mainwaring is allowed to promote someone to Corporal. Rather than giving the job to Jones, he suggests installing another Lance-Corporal, and seeing who performs the best. Although Wilson advises him against it, Mainwaring, classing himself as a shrewd judge of character, chooses Frazer. This competition causes intense rivalry between the two candidates, and a lot of fawning towards Mainwaring. Frazer's brash attitudes and overpowering desire to impress, the men start taking a dislike to, especially when he books Pike for deserting his post and cowardice in the face of the enemy, and Walker for mutiny. When Jones is added to the list, action is required, anfd Frazer soon falls out of contention for promotion. : EPISODE 6 - UNDER FIRE * : While the platoon are fire watching, Frazer spots a light flashing on the corner of Mortimer Street, and the platoon suspect a spy is signalling to the enemy planes overhead. The suspect whom the platoon arrest, is a Mr. Murphy, who claims to be a British citizen, although he was born in Austria. Meanwhile, the church hall is hit with an incendiary device, which cause a fire that the platoon struggles to control. Mrs. Pike manages to extinguish the fire, by smothering it with sandbags. She also stands up for Mr. Murphy, when she claims he was married to her Auntie Ethel's cousin. : SERIES 3 : EPISODE 1 - THE ARMOURED MIGHT OF LANCE CORPORAL JONES : After giving the platoon a lecture on use of respirators, and of a new weapon (a cheese cutter), Mainwaring tells the platoon that they should work closer with the ARP, until it is revealed that the new chief warden is Mr. Hodges, the rather common green-grocer, whom, when he arrives on scene, immediately causes friction by demanding use of the hall every Wednesday evening. Meanwhile, Walker talks Jones into donating his van to the platoon (for one of his dodgy deals). He tells Jones about the petrol coupons he'll obtain, but it gets converted into gas for fuel economy. Hodges soon requisitions the van as an ambulance during his air raid practise, where the platoon are forced to become stretcher bearers. Chaos is sooned caused when Jones comes without his keys, and the back door is locked. While he goes to his shop to get the keys, the platoon attempt to get the man in an alternative way. The man, getting impatient, decides to walk to the hospital. : EPISODE 2 - BATTLE SCHOOL : The platoon take a train ride to a weekend camp and a course in guerrilla warfare. It is only a mile away, but it takes four hours for the train to arrive. Mainwaring is hungry and grouchy, and, when the platoon arrive, their hunger pains deepen when they discover they've missed supper. They then oversleep and miss breakfast too. That morning, they set out to capture Captain Rodrigues' base. While Frazer thinks there's no chance of him finding it, Mainwaring discovers a secret tunnel, which leads straight into the HQ, and tells the platoon they'll capture the base at nightfall. While they are there, Walker lays his hands on some food, which, back on the train, he distributes amongst the platoon. Also on the train, Frazer tells Mainwaring how he never doubted him for a whole minute. : EPISODE 3 - THE LION HAS PHONES : Of all things, Mainwaring is teaching his platoon how to use a phone in a phone-box. Some ladies join the queue, and ask what's going on, and Walker, taking advantage, telling them that they're making all the calls they can, because they're being rationed to one a day, and offers them as many calls as they like for a price. That night, while Frazer and Wilson are on patrol, they witness a German bomber crash in the reservoir. Mainwaring arrives, whilst Walker is missing. Jones goes to phone GHQ, but gets the wrong number. He speaks to the cashier at the Plaza Cinema, and gets confused upon hearing her say that the film's title is 'One Of Our Aircraft Is Missing', and Eric Portman and Googie Withers are in it! Back at the reservoir, Hodges and Lieutenant Hope Bruce from GHQ arrive to help, that is after Mainwaring claims they've had the cheek to fire at them. When Walker arrives, he tells Mainwaring that everything's sorted, after he's had a word with a reservoir official, who has opened the sluices, making the Germans swim for their lives. : EPISODE 4 - THE BULLET IS NOT FOR FIRING : When the platoon use up their ammo in a night's exercise, Mainwaring insists on holding a court of inquiry so as to get more ammo, in spite of Walker's offer of getting some cheap. Meanwhile, while Mainwaring is trying to unclog a rifle, he breaks the bannister, and the verger calls him a vandal. Come the Inquiry, it is constantly interrupted by the vicar's choir practise in the office, and the platoon coming in to shelter from the rain. It is suggested that the troops all give their evidence together, during which Jones hears the Nunc Dimittis from the office, and thinks it's angel's voices, and his time has come! Whilst giving a demonstration, the ceiling gets blown down, and the verger gives his familiar cry of "Vandals!". : EPISODE 5 - SOMETHING NASTY IN THE VAULT : A bank inspection is interrupted by an air raid, after which, it is discovered that the bank has taken a direct hit. In the vault, Mainwaring and Wilson find themselves holding an unexploded bomb. Using a fishing reel, Frazer manages to fish the key to the vault out of Mainwaring's pocket. As well as Walker attempting to help himself to some of the money, the platoon devise a crane to remove the bomb from Mainwaring an Wilson's hands. Later, when Walker hands a cheque, it is recognised as a dud, and Mainwaring sees his money is bank property, which is met with his feeble excuse of "Is it? I thought it was bomb damage!". : EPISODE 6 - ROOM AT THE BOTTOM : It is revealed that Mainwaring's self-appointment to captain isn't official, in fact, he hasn't even been commissioned as a lieutenant. He gets demoted to Private, and Wilson temporarily put in charge of the platoon, whilst Mainwaring wears a brave face and attends a drill exercise. Meanwhile, a training exercise turns into a failure under Wilson's command, and the platoon write to HQ, requesting that Mainwaring is reinstated. : EPISODE 7 - BIG GUNS : A naval gun is delivered to the platoon, but Mainwaring doesn't know how to use it. Frazer was in the Navy, but when asked if he knows how to use the gun, he reveals that he was mainly a cook. Luckily, a handbook comes with it. While giving a 'Tewt' (Tactical Exercise Without Troops), with a model of the town laid on a blackout screen, Mainwaring tells the platoon that the bandstand is blocking the line of fire, and that he has written to the council, saying he wants it down within 48 hours. It is a rare example of Victorian ironwork, which was erected to commemorate Queen Victoria's visit to the town in 1891, and Mr. Rees, the town clerk, and Mr. Bennett, the borough engineer, are not happy with his request. Mainwaring agrees to arrange a full scale demonstration on Sunday morning. Meanwhile, the as the platoon are about to continue their 'TEWT', the verger brings it to an abrupt halt, when he has to put the black-out screen up. When it comes to the demonstration on Sunday, the platoon end up getting caught up in the camouflage net, and Mr. Rees ends up telling Mainwaring that he'll tell his people they can sleep safe in their beds - providing they're inside the enemy tank! : EPISODE 8 - THE DAY THE BALLOON WENT UP : Captain Mainwaring's drilling is interrupted by the vicar's discovery of a rude word on the spare harmonium in the tower room. Mainwaring gets all the platoon to copy the letters, and the vicar to compare the handwriting. This is soon interrupted by the sight of the verger swinging to and fro across the outside of the window. It is discovered he's caught on the cable of a barrage balloon. He is soon freed, but then the platoon have to decide what to do with the balloon. With the RAF unlikely to be able to help before nightfall, it is decided to take the balloon to Pinnerfields and tie it to a tree. However, it gets tied to a rotten piece of wood, and ends escaping and taking Mainwaring with it. The platoon jump into Jones' van and follow it, and, after they finally catch it, an RAF Officer arrives. The platoon salute him, and as they do, they let the balloon go. They quickly get into the van to follow the balloon again. : EPISODE 9 - WAR DANCE : Pike is nearly 19, and going out with ATS girl Violet Gibbons. Her mother used to clean for Mainwaring, whilst Violet worked in a fish and chip shop, and Woolworth's. Mainwaring, who doesn't approve of the couple due to his concern for Pike's future at the bank, persuades Wilson to have a talk with Pike. However, his attempt fails, and at a Home Guard dance, Pike, is determined to announce his engagement. Meanwhile, in an argument with the verger about his welcome there, Jones tells him that he's a trouble- maker, and reminds him that they never found out who wrote the rude word on the spare harmonium. Pike, meanwhile, announces his engagement, in spite of Jones' attempt to keep him away from the microphone. His mother, who previously knew nothing about the relationship, throws a bucket of water at him, and he soon decides that married life isn't for him after all. : EPISODE 10 - MENACE FROM THE DEEP : As two sailors who have been guarding the machine gun post at the end of the pier leave town, the Home Guard unit take over for four nights. After struggling to get into the rowing boat, the platoon finally get there. After pike ties the boat to the telephone wire, it soon drifts away, along with the food, and the telephone is cut off. When they attempt to send an SOS signal, all they get is Hodges. He gets drunk on Walker's whiskey, and says that nobody loves him. Wilson tells Mainwaring not to upset him, as he is one of the best bowlers on the cricket team. That is not it for trouble, during the night, Jones spots a sea mine under the pier, which could blow up if it touches anything. After letting it drift away bit, the platoon attempt to blow it up. After a few vain attempts, Hodges manages to blow it up by throwing a stone at it, to which Mainwaring tells Wilson he's right - Hodges is a good bowler. : EPISODE 11 - BRANDED : Godfrey hands in his notice. Mainwaring interviews him, and he tells him that after finding a mouse in his pantry, he couldn't bring himself to kill it, and therefore doesn't know how he'll be able to fight the Germans, and confesses to having been a conscientious objector during ther last campaign. The platoon cold-shoulder him, and when he makes them some tea and biscuits, none of them accept. Meanwhile, the platoon participate in a smoke-filled room, and Mainwaring, after going through, decides there's not enough smoke in it. After increasing it, he goes through again, and ends up passing out. His life is saved by Godfrey. The platoon all visit him, while he's in bed, recovering from his ordeal, where Mainwaring sees a photo of him wearing the Military Medal, which he claims he doesn't wear because he doesn't like wearing medals with his uniform. Mainwaring decides to install Godfrey as the platoon's medical orderly. : EPISODE 12 - MAN HUNT : During a lecture about having to report all parachutes discovered, and state whether they're white (British) or cream (German), Frazer suggests getting a tracker dog, which Walker is able to get hold of. Meanwhile, Walker tells Mainwaring that he found a parachute the other week, and had it made up into eight dozen pairs of ladies knickers. He says he can't remember what colour it was, and has already sold all the produce at his market. They decide to go house-knocking, to try to find someone who's brought a pair, but have no joy. Meanwhile, Walker introduces the dog to the platoon, and they try him out. When Mrs. Pike interrupts, the dog goes for her, and she ends up showing her white knickers, whereupon Walker suddenly remembers he sold the last pair to Mrs. Pike, and that it was a British parachute. When a discarde parachute is discovered in the area, the platoon end up tracking down who they think is a German saboteur with a bomb, but is really a Viennese ornithologist with an a rare bird's egg. Suddenly, a German pilot catches up with them, and complains that they have been running away, whilst he was trying to give himself up. : EPISODE 13 - NO SPRING FOR FRAZER : When Frazer hands in the Lewis gun, Mainwaring inspects it, and finds the butterfly spring is missing. He suspects the spring fell into a coffin, which Mr. Drury has taken. When they go to see him, they find the coffin has gone, for Horace Blewitt. He is now resting in his brother Sidney's house, where the platoon enter and find the lid is screwed down. They try sneaking into the house in the night, and after that fails, suggesting there is an unexploded bomb in the churchyard, thus causing the funeral to be abandoned. When they go to the graveyard to have another go at retrieving the spring, the verger sees them running off. Mainwaring is forced to have Frazer court-martialled, but while he is on the phone, Frazer suddenly finds that the spring was in his pocket all the time. Mainwaring leaves Godfrey to deal with the call, who asks the person on the end if they have an account with them. : EPISODE 14 - SONS OF THE SEA : To pay off the debts of the late Mr. Johnson, Mainwaring takes possession of his boat, 'The Naughty Jane'. The platoon use it for river patrols, and that evening, decide to test it out. They end up getting lost in the fog, and drifting into the English Channel. Eventually, they reach land, where Jones hears French voices, it is thought they've drifted across the Channel. Actually, it a nearby party is being held by the French Canadians, to celebrate the shooting down of their 50th Nazi plane for the enemy. The platoon meanwhile, hide in a railway wagon for the night, but when they awake, they find they are travelling through the countryside. Mainwaring tells the platoon to take off their tunics and forage hats and get rid of their rifle bolts (in case they fall into enemy hands), and each time the train stops, he will drop someone off, and they'll make their own way back home. The first stop, he finds is at a station, where there is a man waiting. In an attempt to bluff his way out, Mainwaring asks the man, "Qu'est-ce que c'est la gare?", to which he replies "Oh, la gare est 'Eastborne', actually", and then asks why they're talking French. The platoon suddenly realise they're in England, and cry out in relief. When the man says that he's waiting for the 12.30 to Walmington-on-Sea, Wilson suggests they wait with him and be back in time for lunch, but Mainwaring tells the platoon they're to go back along the tracks and retrieve their rifle bolts.

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