Posted by Margaret on February 28, 2000 at 19:33:44:
In Reply to: harsh reality posted by Margaret on February 28, 2000 at 19:01:18:
I hate that when people torture you by getting you jealous and making you feel unworthy.
Usually I have no problem with this, becuase my usual reaction and solution to people making me feel this way is to just leave, take off, not look back, it works everytime.
But it turns into real torture (like it just now has) when it happens at a time when my usual soothing source of 'escape' is not available for me to take, because I am literally trapped and imprisoned where I'm at for the time being. Now all I can think of is how much I hate being here, trapped where I don't want to be and never did. Why must people pick the worst time to torture you and tease you and make you feel so worthless? Why can't they just be a little more considerate and at least wait till you got your 'protection sheild' back on so you don't have to get hurt as bad? If only I had money to take off and leave town any time and everytime I got hurt, my life would be perfect.
Heaven is life on the run, at times, that is, it feels like no one can catch up to you fast enough to hurt you.
: As time moves on, and I age by the second, all that I become more aware of is how so little control I have over anything in this whole entire world.