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Re: enneagram and relationships

Re: enneagram and relationships

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Posted by heatherb on February 29, 2000 at 14:41:11:

In Reply to: enneagram and relationships posted by Amy on February 29, 2000 at 13:35:03:

: How has knowing about the enneagram helped you with the various relationships in your life? I know this is a very general question, but I'm just interested in hearing your responses. Sometimes I get concerned that I view people's behavior too much through the lens of the enneagram. For instance, when I meet a new guy who I'm interested in dating, I immediately try to figure out his enneagram type so I can get a better understanding of him--this helps me to feel secure and sometimes helps me to not stress out over some of the guy's behaviors in light of his enneagram type--like knowing that trust is a difficult issue for sixes. Anyway, I'd love to hear your experiences regarding my question.

: Amy

Hi Amy,

It's almost inevitable now, for me too, to try and figure out people's types -- of people I know, and people I meet -- to understand what they're like, and to know how to interpret their reactions or attitudes... It has added a whole new dimension to the way I look at people!

The enneagram has actually helped me a lot in my relationship... Finding out my OWN type is was what has helped most though, because it made me realize that there isn't something wrong with me... It helped me take a step back and look at the events in my life, my reactions and emotions, and see it all from a new perspective: not feeling guilty or ashamed of myself anymore. And this new perspective has made me learn (and I am learning...) to deal with problems differently, not being so defensive, taking a moment to think before blowing things out of proportion as quickly as I used to. Realizing that it's ok to be the way I am! And finding that there are more people out there that actually are much like me.

There were lots of things that would happen between my husband and me, that I simply couldn't understand -- mostly reactions (or the lack of a reaction!) from his part... And thinking I had gone completely mad when I felt something was an important issue and my husband seemed not to see it... It would frustrate me to no end.

But finding out his type is ALMOST like mine (he's a 5w4, I'm a 4w5), has made lots of things clear -- like just the fact that sometimes we both tend to "sulk" and feel misunderstood...

It's just that things make sense to me now. I understand my husband's reactions to my moods, I don't assume he's attacking me... I am able to put myself in his place and try to understand him... And I don't take certain things as personally anymore. Another important thing is that I'm not so hard on myself when I DO get in those moods...
We still have misunderstandings... But I don't feel crazy anymore. That is how the enneagram has helped me most in my relationship.

heatherb

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: : How has knowing about the enneagram helped you with the various relationships in your life? I know this is a very general question, but I'm just interested in hearing your responses. Sometimes I get concerned that I view people's behavior too much through the lens of the enneagram. For instance, when I meet a new guy who I'm interested in dating, I immediately try to figure out his enneagram type so I can get a better understanding of him--this helps me to feel secure and sometimes helps me to not stress out over some of the guy's behaviors in light of his enneagram type--like knowing that trust is a difficult issue for sixes. Anyway, I'd love to hear your experiences regarding my question. : : Amy : : Hi Amy, : It's almost inevitable now, for me too, to try and figure out people's types -- of people I know, and people I meet -- to understand what they're like, and to know how to interpret their reactions or attitudes... It has added a whole new dimension to the way I look at people! : The enneagram has actually helped me a lot in my relationship... Finding out my OWN type is was what has helped most though, because it made me realize that there isn't something wrong with me... It helped me take a step back and look at the events in my life, my reactions and emotions, and see it all from a new perspective: not feeling guilty or ashamed of myself anymore. And this new perspective has made me learn (and I am learning...) to deal with problems differently, not being so defensive, taking a moment to think before blowing things out of proportion as quickly as I used to. Realizing that it's ok to be the way I am! And finding that there are more people out there that actually are much like me. : There were lots of things that would happen between my husband and me, that I simply couldn't understand -- mostly reactions (or the lack of a reaction!) from his part... And thinking I had gone completely mad when I felt something was an important issue and my husband seemed not to see it... It would frustrate me to no end. : But finding out his type is ALMOST like mine (he's a 5w4, I'm a 4w5), has made lots of things clear -- like just the fact that sometimes we both tend to "sulk" and feel misunderstood... : It's just that things make sense to me now. I understand my husband's reactions to my moods, I don't assume he's attacking me... I am able to put myself in his place and try to understand him... And I don't take certain things as personally anymore. Another important thing is that I'm not so hard on myself when I DO get in those moods... : We still have misunderstandings... But I don't feel crazy anymore. That is how the enneagram has helped me most in my relationship. : : heatherb

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