Posted by Hal on March 01, 2000 at 08:46:20:
In Reply to: Greetings Fourdom! posted by Amanda :) on February 29, 2000 at 05:11:43:
I know there are entire (humorous) books written on this, and I personally don't talk like this, but here's how you would have to talk to get along with the older members of my family:
1. Always yell, don't talk. Assume that everyone is half deaf, which they are from constantly yelling at one another.
2. When someone asks you a question, always say, "What?", and make them repeat it, as if you weren't paying attention.
3. When they're halfway through repeating it, answer, because you really did hear it the first time.
4. Always answer a question with a question. (e.g. Q: "Did you like the movie you saw last night?" - A: "What's not to like about the movie?")
5. Never pronounce the letter "R" when it comes at the end of a word.
6. God is pronounced "gawd", as in "Oh my gawd!"
7. "Long Island" is one word--"Lawngeyeland"; and New York is "New Yawk"
8. Complain about everything. A 5-cent increase in the price of laundry detergent forebodes the end of the world. The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
9. Life is like a box of chocolates. But they're all made with animal shortening AND milk, so you can't eat them. And you can complain about this.
10. When something bothers you (and something always does) begin every sentence with "Oy" or "Uch".
- Hal -