Posted by Tiggy on March 01, 2000 at 22:20:36:
In Reply to: How to talk Jewish posted by Hal on March 01, 2000 at 08:46:20:
: I know there are entire (humorous) books written on this, and I personally don't talk like this, but here's how you would have to talk to get along with the older members of my family:
: 1. Always yell, don't talk. Assume that everyone is half deaf, which they are from constantly yelling at one another.
: 2. When someone asks you a question, always say, "What?", and make them repeat it, as if you weren't paying attention.
: 3. When they're halfway through repeating it, answer, because you really did hear it the first time.
: 4. Always answer a question with a question. (e.g. Q: "Did you like the movie you saw last night?" - A: "What's not to like about the movie?")
: 5. Never pronounce the letter "R" when it comes at the end of a word.
: 6. God is pronounced "gawd", as in "Oh my gawd!"
: 7. "Long Island" is one word--"Lawngeyeland"; and New York is "New Yawk"
: 8. Complain about everything. A 5-cent increase in the price of laundry detergent forebodes the end of the world. The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
: 9. Life is like a box of chocolates. But they're all made with animal shortening AND milk, so you can't eat them. And you can complain about this.
: 10. When something bothers you (and something always does) begin every sentence with "Oy" or "Uch".
: - Hal -