I think MY family must be Jewish!

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: : I know there are entire (humorous) books written on this, and I personally don't talk like this, but here's how you would have to talk to get along with the older members of my family: : : 1. Always yell, don't talk. Assume that everyone is half deaf, which they are from constantly yelling at one another. : : 2. When someone asks you a question, always say, "What?", and make them repeat it, as if you weren't paying attention. : : 3. When they're halfway through repeating it, answer, because you really did hear it the first time. : : 4. Always answer a question with a question. (e.g. Q: "Did you like the movie you saw last night?" - A: "What's not to like about the movie?") : : 5. Never pronounce the letter "R" when it comes at the end of a word. : : 6. God is pronounced "gawd", as in "Oh my gawd!" : : 7. "Long Island" is one word--"Lawngeyeland"; and New York is "New Yawk" : : 8. Complain about everything. A 5-cent increase in the price of laundry detergent forebodes the end of the world. The more you complain, the longer God lets you live. : : 9. Life is like a box of chocolates. But they're all made with animal shortening AND milk, so you can't eat them. And you can complain about this. : : 10. When something bothers you (and something always does) begin every sentence with "Oy" or "Uch". : : - Hal -

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