Posted by Tiggy on March 28, 2000 at 10:19:09:
In Reply to: Re: My opinion posted by lydia on March 28, 2000 at 09:40:20:
I can only really speak about my own need of course. But when I'm feeling lonely or shitty or hopeless or any other negative feeling, I can remind myself that it's just come out of my habituated thinking and that my thoughts aren't me, my past experience isn't me, I can be refreshed and start afresh each time I dip into that pool of Spirit, though the temptation to cling to other things is still very much there for me, but I feel like I at least have more idea of the way now. I can remind myself that there is something greater and more real and more ultimate than my present difficutlties and identify with the Spirit rather than with this person who finds life so difficult and has such a lot of fear and loneliness. I think that with more practice it probably gets easier. When I meditated regularly, I didn't have any problems with loneliness, then I moved to a place where I didn't have a group to meditate with and because it was residential social work and very hectic, it was difficult to find times to meditate when the phone wasn't ringing, the doorbell going, or someone wanting something or a crisis going on, and it was a very stressful job so I could have done with it more than ever, but I lost sight of what had been helpful for me.
Anyway a brief progress report. I felt really 'shiny' is the only word I can find for it, all week after reading this book by Bede Griffiths which clarified my thinking and that was not just important to me spiritually, but careerwise too as I have to have a sound rationale for teaching Religious Studies, and find an approach which makes sense of it all. Then I had a couple of nights when I felt lonely and thought, Oh dear this obviously isn't enough, but it's up to me to deal with those feelings and get myself back into a state of mind where I don't feel lonely. It's so easy to be attached to that feeling of reaching out, especially when you feel you've been waiting a long time and things are up in the air with certain people. So I've got the choice before me, whether to sit around moping over unrequited love, or to become more centred. At the moment I just feel terrificaly tired and like I'm dealing with a lot. I'm having hypnosis tomorrow which should help things along a bit. Maybe some people can get along fine in life with recourse only to their own resources, but I can't. I know things have to change, and I know I have to change. Btw, a few of you have mentioned that I was talking about getting rid of flaws, which makes it sound like I'm talking about moral redemption in a conventional sense, and I'm not saying it excludes that, but I'm coming from the point of view of reducing my own suffering and developing my potential more which includes getting rid of my 'flaws', though I tend to view flaws as weaknesses. I suppose I see finding that calm, still space within as a very healing thing, and I definitely need that.