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Enneagram Type 4 Board Archive Hi fellow 4's..would love to find a way to have a CHATROOMPosted by Michelle on March 30, 1998 at 15:24:39: I am a number 4, self-pres, 36 yrs old, artist/singer/writer etc. I. Just discovered the ENNEAGRAM about a yr and half ago. It has made a MAJOR impact in the way I look at myself... Im learning to OBSERVE myself (without JUDGEMENT if possible) so that I can hopefully become an INTEGRATED 4..and healthy! I am right now in my "hiding out from the real world" mode. I have a definite need for SAFETY. I have a boyfriend now who pays all the bills while I stay home and PAINT, CREATE...(all the artistic endeavors!) Part of me feels grateful, thankful and happy to be so safe, not having to really deal with the world..My boyfriend doesnt mind it...in his own way he believes a lot in my "ART". On the other hand I feel a bit guilty that I am going in "the wrong direction" (as the books say!) by staying home and opting for this SAFE existence. It just seems the way I deal with anything is to WITHDRAW....thinking I will be safe and secure that way. I was making a living partially as a singer in Las VEgas etc. I was VERY VERY good at what I did..BUT..My personality got in the way and would sabotage myself at every turn. I "couldve been a contenda'. HA!! I always feel that "someday, somewhere..." I WILL GET ALL THIS FIGURED OUT and then will re-emerge into the world..all HEALED and BETTTER!!!! HAHA....I know this seems totally irrational and is not the way to go!! I do feel STUCK aat times..Ive read almost every ENNEAGRAm book.. Recently I read "ENNEAGRAM TRANSFORMATIONS"..affirmations for the number 4 are a bit helpful..but I would like more POSITIVE FEEDBACk about how to get HEALTHY! Anyone have any suggestions""""??? THANKS! MIchelle
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