Childhood Message

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Posted by Emily on April 30, 2000 at 17:06:58:

Riso says that we all have unconscious childhood messages that we received from our parents. And one message, out of them all, tends to stand out more clearly for each type. For example, the 2's message is, "It is not ok to have your own needs." The 9's is, "It is not ok to assert yourself." and so on. Ahh, sorry, brb I my toast just popped up.

*about two minutes later*

Anyway, the 4's message is, "It is not ok to be too functional or too happy."

This is very true for me. Even now, when something goes good in my life, I feel almost...I don't know...guilty sharing it with my mom (she's an ENFJ 2w3). It seems that for as long as I can remember, whenever something good happened to me, and I told me mom about it, she always came back with a sharp slap of reality. "Well, don't go getting your hopes up. Things don't always work out the way you think." Or, "I know you have this going for you, but you still have that and this that you need to get worked out before you can enjoy your successes." So now, like I said, I hesitate to tell her about good things that happen to me, because I know she'll make me feel like I shouldn't be happy.

My mom has had to struggle most of her life. Her mother died when she was 17 of Ovarian cancer, and her father was never really around that much, so she's always had to be very responsible. When her mother was dying, my mom, being the youngest of 9 children, was the one who was still at home, and had to take care of her through those years of chemo treatments. Her mom was really all she had, and for My mom, being a 2, that's extremely hard, since they want to be loved...that's their motivation. So, as for the "not too functional" part of the unconscious message, that applies to me too. My mom has told me, unconsciously, that happiness only lasts for so long, and if I focus on that, I'll forget about the things that need to be done. I should always be struggling in some way.

Hmm...maybe she's an ISFJ. I don't know. She tested out as an INFJ, but that's not her at all.

Anyway, do you fours have problems with feeling guilty if you're happy in life? I know I do, and I often want to hide it from my mom.

-Emily, with toast crumbs all over my lap

Follow Ups:

Just because... heatherb 07:28:44 05/01/00 (0)
I don't rember any... Cathy 20:56:02 04/30/00 (0)
Also... Karen 17:43:26 04/30/00 (2)
- I've tried... Emily 18:03:12 04/30/00 (1)
  - Re: I've tried... Karen 18:25:17 04/30/00 (0)
Re: Childhood Message Karen 17:24:25 04/30/00 (4)
- Other Messages Emily 17:39:14 04/30/00 (3)
  - Hmm... Cory 18:11:03 04/30/00 (1)
    - Could be a variation of "Your presence matters" NT Karen 18:27:08 04/30/00 (0)
  - Very cool! Thank you! NT Karen 17:46:13 04/30/00 (0)

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: Riso says that we all have unconscious childhood messages that we received from our parents. And one message, out of them all, tends to stand out more clearly for each type. For example, the 2's message is, "It is not ok to have your own needs." The 9's is, "It is not ok to assert yourself." and so on. Ahh, sorry, brb I my toast just popped up. : *about two minutes later* : Anyway, the 4's message is, "It is not ok to be too functional or too happy." : This is very true for me. Even now, when something goes good in my life, I feel almost...I don't know...guilty sharing it with my mom (she's an ENFJ 2w3). It seems that for as long as I can remember, whenever something good happened to me, and I told me mom about it, she always came back with a sharp slap of reality. "Well, don't go getting your hopes up. Things don't always work out the way you think." Or, "I know you have this going for you, but you still have that and this that you need to get worked out before you can enjoy your successes." So now, like I said, I hesitate to tell her about good things that happen to me, because I know she'll make me feel like I shouldn't be happy. : My mom has had to struggle most of her life. Her mother died when she was 17 of Ovarian cancer, and her father was never really around that much, so she's always had to be very responsible. When her mother was dying, my mom, being the youngest of 9 children, was the one who was still at home, and had to take care of her through those years of chemo treatments. Her mom was really all she had, and for My mom, being a 2, that's extremely hard, since they want to be loved...that's their motivation. So, as for the "not too functional" part of the unconscious message, that applies to me too. My mom has told me, unconsciously, that happiness only lasts for so long, and if I focus on that, I'll forget about the things that need to be done. I should always be struggling in some way. : Hmm...maybe she's an ISFJ. I don't know. She tested out as an INFJ, but that's not her at all. : Anyway, do you fours have problems with feeling guilty if you're happy in life? I know I do, and I often want to hide it from my mom. : -Emily, with toast crumbs all over my lap :

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