Posted by Emily on April 30, 2000 at 18:03:12:
In Reply to: Also... posted by Karen on April 30, 2000 at 17:43:26:
: Can you see yourself like...feeling happy, sharing it with your mom, hearing her perhaps negative response, but still being happy? Not letting it make you feel like you shouldn't be happy? I'm not saying just go be this way, but just...can you imagine it? Accepting her view while retaining your own...?
: You are really close to your mom, right? I'm thinking you want to share things with her, and I would think it would feel especially good to be able to share your happiness. And part of feeling close will be feeling understood, which is difficult to feel when you feel like you are hiding an important part of yourself.
: Since you won't be able to change your mom's reaction, maybe you can learn to change your own reaction to her reaction to your happiness. And if you are aware of the message you've been sending yourself, well it isn't unconscious anymore and so loses much of its power. It doesn't just suddenly go away, but at least you know what you're doing.
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For example, recently I told her that John and I (I don't know if you've been following this lil' drama, but I met a guy online, John, and we've been talking since late december, and decided to meet in July) are going to be meeting, and she got very bent out of shape, saying that people on the internet are all child molesters and some other such garbage. For a little while that bothered me, but I just stopped caring after a while. I stopped being so worried about what she thought of me, and realized that I'm old enough to do what I know is right and not have her comments bothering me so much. It's hard to do, and I have to consciously tell myself that her comments don't need to affect me so much, but it's starting to work. =o)
-Emily, attempting to grow up