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Enneagram Type 4 Board Archive Haephestus was the god of Fours, the wounded healer NTPosted by Athena on April 30, 2000 at 22:26:11: In Reply to: It is imperative I post this and for you to read it! posted by Damien Krosse on April 30, 2000 at 20:54:45: : I am a very superstitious person. Forgive me but please send this out!
: Alright, listen up! YOU - yes You! Not some other guy or gal reading this but YOU - the 47 year old pervert picking up preteens online! YOU - the whiz kid who loses all his money in online stock trading! YOU - the pathetic loser housewife who spent 80% of her husband's money to buy some condoms Elvis used at eBay! YOU - the unfortunate recipient of the ULTIMATE SOMETHING-REALLY-EVIL-WILL-HAPPEN-TO-YOU CHAIN LETTER! : The gods (and by "gods", we mean the important ones - Zeus and Venus and Mercury, not the whats-his-faces like Hesphaestus) have deemed YOU to carry on this chain letter! This chain letter has a mysterious curse surrounding it. We won't explain how or why, just go along with our story you gullible schmuck! Anyways here is the history of this letter: It is the oldest chain letter in existence. It was started 3600 B.C. in the fertile Euphrates river basin by a bunch of Assyrian priests to appease the god Zodomo - the god of.....I think you can figure it out. Writing was a rather new invention, which appeared on late night Egyptian infomercials at the base of the pyramids, peddled by Ron Popeil wannabes, and up until then, all chain letters were passed on through the oral tradition. Many things can be transmitted orally - stories, chain letters, venereal diseases, etc. Anyways, one of the first things they did was put down a chain letter and this was THE first one. It spread like wildfire throughout the region for the next couple thousand years or so, and made its way to China and Japan and all of Asia in a short while. But since our history has a European bias, we don't really care for East Asia so let's skip how it spread there and go straight to Europe! By the time Alexander the Great came through Persia in like 323 B.C. or something (I'm not a historian, I'm a damn writer!) he got wind of this chain letter and brought it back to Greece. When he brought it back to Greece, it was quite popular, even Aristotle joined in on the fun and passed it along to Sophocles who got obsessed with the letter and wrote a tragedy about a person who dismisses it and later gets eaten by a great white shark. It eventually made its way to Rome, and as we all know, Rome practically conquered Europe in a matter of a few months, so in no time, everyone in that Great White Continent was passing this letter along. William the Conqueror brought it over to England in 1066. By medieval times, it spread quicker than the Black Plague. Monks in secluded castles, when they weren't translating the Bible from Greek to whatever language, used to write down this chain letter. And, contrary to popular belief, the first book printed was Not the Gutenburg Bible, but THIS chain letter!!! This letter was also brought to America by Columbus, and later by the Pilgrims. A reliable source even says that the early framers of the constitution created the First Amendment for the sole purpose of freely passing around this chain letter! Its been passed around for the past couple hundred years, and now recently, has made its home on the internet. And the rest is history. And now on to the chain letter.... : **** : PASS THIS CHAIN LETTER ON TO 13 PEOPLE WITHIN 13 HOURS. Grave consequences will happen to you if you do not heed the ancient mystical advice. This letter was designed to appease a god of a well-known sexual act, and was also designed to test the friendships of people after their "friends" sent this annoying letter umpteen times to them. One may be wary and skeptical of this, but they will pay the price eventually. Here are some accounts of people who passed this letter on and people who haven't... : Pharoah R. the II received this letter and passed it on. When he died he had a harem of thousands of hot women, and he even got a condom brand named after him. : Julius C. was the leader of many people until a few days before the Ides of March, he received this letter. Being a firm skeptic in chain letters he disregarded it. On the Ides of March, he was stabbed to death by Brutus - the person who initially sent him the letter. : The Dark Ages were caused by the mass increase of this chain letter. Everybody neglected civilization and concentrated on sending this thing around. : A Jesuit monk who ignored this letter was the initial carrier of the Black Plague. : Christopher C. introduced this chain letter to some native peoples. They thought it was rather trivial and laughed at Chris, but soon were wiped out by Chris's crew and the dreaded smallpox. : Gaileo G. received this chain letter and passed it on. Later on he invented the telescope and made some fabulous astronomy discoveries. Soon after, he received it again, and this time didn't feel like sending it around. The Inquisition got word of his heresy and threatened to "put a cap in his azz" if he did not repent. : Genghis K. gave this chain letter to all his friends when he was young. Later on he created a vast empire conquering all of Asia. In his old age, he received the letter again but thought nothing of it. A few days later he died, and his empire crumbled. : Sir Isaac N. discovered gravity when he dropped this chain letter while walking to the post office. : King L. the XVI and Marie A. burned their copy of the chain letter (a no-no!), later igniting a revolution and sparking their execution. : Abraham L. sent out over 40,000 copies in Washington, and later reunited a divided Union. : Vladimir L. passed on his copy and later was victorious in his Communist Revolution. : Ditto for Mao T. : Sigmund F. got laid by a really hot chick after sending his letter. : One of the driving forces in starting World War II was that Nazi Germany decided to ban this chain letter because of its "non-Aryan origin" : John F. K. was a popular politican who lost his life the day he threw his copy in the trash. : Watergate was caused by....yep, you guessed it! : Al G. passed on his copy and was later to become someone really big and the inventor of the internet. : *** : As you can see, this letter has altered the shape of human history as we know it. PASS THIS LETTER TO 13 PEOPLE WITHIN 13 HOURS - or else! HOO HOO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MUHAHAHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA *cough* ACK! HAHAHAHA AHAHAHAHA MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
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