Posted by jason on June 24, 1999 at 01:36:42:
In Reply to: Message for Jason posted by Erin on June 22, 1999 at 18:15:02:
erin,
how were you when u were in college? were you able to put things into practice? my acting was fine in college; but afterwards it was a disaster, i lost all concentration. i didn't know my ass from my pinky. i got depressed...i think it was some unresovled issues from my past, for 7-8 months i was in my head..know wat i mean. i started to get better just last month. i did that my going out of my head and realizing the reality of my situation...i started to feel the sadness come out of me. see, the thing is, is that living my head i don't release my feelings...i become a slave to them. so i hooked onto reality...the reality of my situation. boom, i started to get better. but now at this point i was lost in my fantasies....not in the moment.
then last week, i said, 'oh, fuck it." make sure your at bed at 3am instead of wasting away your life at any time. 3am in bed...all of a sudden i started to feel my life again. the thing i needed was STRUCTURE. that's the key for me at least. today, i also read that for 4's, 'a little structure will go along way.' we are like open fire hydrants, that need to funnel our (water) resources or else we're wasting our time, so then we need a hose to harness that power....it will even strengthened b'c the hose (structure) will focus our resources.
now, the reason why i got crazy was b'c i lost my structure college, not my identity, your identity will always be there...4's just look in the wrong place in their fantasy. so..i've decided to structure my life...the way it was in school. i experimented that the only time i felt fine again was when i would imagine i was back in school, but school was secondary, acting and the other things i loved doing were first. but i had seemed to have lost my desire for it. anyway, i decided that school was my structure...now that it was gone...my structure was gone. bang, STRUCTURE! everything will start to fit. i'm feeling the power again.