Re: being a healthy 4; to the extent that I am

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: : : : : how did you become healthy? : : : i am on my way again. trying to maintain. but i know i'll do it. you know, self-discipline and all. trying to build my self-esteem...baby steps. how did you do it? just curious. how do you maintain it? i have to say this: before i graduated college, acting change my life...it made me healthy; after grad., i went into my head...dealling which i think were issues from childhood--common among fours. YOU? : : : : : : jason : : Hello jason, : : I don't consider myself to be a "healthy" 4 but I've got some insights about how to get there. I have made significant progress in that direction and give a lot of the credit to those on this board and the advice they've shared. : : The magic formula...as close as I can determine...involves staying focused and engaged in the "present". This entails riding shotgun over one's thoughts and making decisions about which ones to entertain and which ones to disregard. I don't know that it's possible to keep from having certain thoughts in the first place...in fact I doubt seriously that it is...but I do know that you have the power to choose how to respond once they've crossed your mind. : : It requires a good deal of will power and maturity...at least at the start...but the effort is certainly within our abilities. I've found that once you've firmly rejected the notion of entertaining certain thoughts those thoughts tend to come up much less frequently that than before. Thank goodness!!! :)) : : I felt as though I was "cheating" myself of my "true" emotions when I first started. I came to find out that I was just "saving" myself from some major pity parties. Ain't this sense of melancholy great?? : : Hope this helps. BTW, I regard myself as somewhere between stage 3-5 on Riso's health scale. I seem to fluctuate between the different levels. Maybe this is part of the learning curve manifesting itself or maybe it's because I'm one hell of a "unique kinda guy"!! :)) : : Ev : Hi there Jason : I am the first to echo what Ev has said regarding staying in the present - it is ESSENTIAL when trying to get a handle on all those pesky feelings of longing or melancholy that we 4's are soooo prone to having....and the 'unatainable' seems to hold such an attraction for us....ugh! It can be such a pain in the ass.... : I also think that trying not to feel something in the first place is really out of our hands - feelings have a way of coming on uninvited and there's not a thing that can be done about it. The trick is in being able to discern what we entertain (as Ev has already pointed out) and what we rise above....and what to act upon. In my view, it all comes down to the choices we make. This requires quite a bit of self control - and the recognition that we DO actually HAVE a choice - and are not merely at the mercy of our feelings. : I'd like to add more - and will - at another time when I have more time.... : so, I'll get back to you asap. : smiles : Amanda :)

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