Posted by Hal on June 30, 1999 at 08:05:24:
In Reply to: Re: And Another Question...! posted by Ev on June 29, 1999 at 20:22:09:
:
: >>: Hey, just as an aside, do you find as a four, that you are more picky about the people you like/ or choose to associate with in your life?
: >>: Thoughts...?
: Hey Summer!
: I am quite discriminating about who I spend time with. Loud, bossy braggards need not apply for the sidekick position. :)) Now one would think that EVERYBODY felt this way but it just ain't so.
: Also, a good sense of morality which jibes with mine is also a prerequisite. Men who brag about cheating on their wives are at the bottom of the food chain here. They can be great fellows to be around and masters of conversation and good times but I will only regard them as an aquaintance. Here's the reasoning; if they would break this most solemn of vows and then "make light" of it I won't put myself in a position where trust may be an issue. As we all know, trust is vital to good friendships.
: I consider myself to be pretty easy-going and try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt but as a 4 I'm also pretty quick at picking up on someone's intentions. Once I get bad "vibes" from someone I pretty much leave them alone from then on. This applies to people newly met and not misunderstandings between me and people I've known for awhile.
: Amanda's term," discrimination", pretty much sums up the mode I try to operate in where selection of friends is concerned.
: Ev
"Me too" to all of this. I can be very picky about my close friends. And it's not that I'm afraid to open up to people, but more that I don't feel close to many people. Part of my criticism is seeing that there's not much beneath the surface with many of the people I meet, or at least it's so far hidden that they can't or won't access it. I'm just not drawn to these people, and I find it draining and disappointing to spend a lot of time with them.
It often seems to go the other way as well--many of the people I'm not drawn to don't seem drawn to me either. They never call or ask me to join in their plans and activities. It seems that they don't value my strengths, and they criticize me as well. I like to think that I value their strenghts--I must since I envy them sometimes--but I guess for me those strengths aren't enough to really draw me to a person.
The times I have the most difficulty with close friendhips is when I really want someone to be a close friend, and he/she is less than responsive. There are many people I'd like to be closer to, but if I don't approach them, I never hear from them. They seem to enjoy my company and feel close to me, but for some reason this doesn't translate into a desire to seek me out. I still haven't figured out what to make of this or what to do about it, other than trying not to take it personally.
- Hal -