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Enneagram Type 4 Board Archive Re: Heavy on the fixations....Posted by Ev on June 30, 1999 at 14:59:09: In Reply to: Heavy on the fixations.... posted by Amanda :( on June 30, 1999 at 14:00:06: : Greetings fourdom.... : I was just discussing with Brian C. an upcoming event for me that I'd like to share with you all in the hopes of getting some good ideas on how best to handle it. : To save time, I have given some background on the big board under the heading 'stayin' alive, stayin' alive' so if you would like to read that first, I'll wait here 'til you get back.... : Ok - so....there's a huge part of me that wants to avoid public humiliation at all costs. My natural inclination is to withdraw from the whole scene. For the kid's sakes, that is simply not an option. So that's problem number one. : The other issue is that I'm trying desperately to overcome my fears that, once others know about my history - they will see me as being defective....ugh! I HATE this....it sounds soooo incredibly pathetic! I haven't felt this way in the longest time. I used to, until I worked up the courage to talk about it with some close friends. They were just great about it and I was able to see just how much my fixation on this had imprisoned me - and in time, got over it. At least I THOUGHT I had....now i find the same stupid stuff coming back to bite me on the bum! : In my head, I don't give a pair of fetid dingoes kidneys WHAT others might think....and that the sun will continue to rise in the east and set in the west even if they DO see me as being somehow defective. I cna't do a thing about it. But in my HEART - there's this little demon stirring up all the bad old feelings....ugggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! : HELPPPP!!!! : Please? Amanda, I don't know what a person could possibly say to make you feel less apprehensive about the situation but I do know that God works in mysterious ways.In the book of Romans...somewhere in the 8th chapter there are verses that say : "For we know that all things work together for the good of them who love God; Who are the called according to His purpose." I don't have a Bible with me and am doing this from memory but I'm sure you are aware of these verses. This is one of those times when you really do need to have faith in God and trust Him to honor His promise. Truth will serve you well no matter how far afield the defense lawyer strays. All you can do is act as an agent for the good of the children involved...and those likely to be involved in the future...and trust that the system will take care of justice. As for how others feel about you I can only imagine that someone who would look down on the victim of some perverted maniac is not worthy of your consideration. This probably doesn't make things any easier but I believe that the Amanda I know from these posts will do just fine when the time comes. Ev
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