Posted by jason on July 01, 1999 at 02:32:50:
In Reply to: A friend needs help posted by Diarmuid on June 30, 1999 at 06:05:36:
ok. i think i could help out. sounds like he's a frustrated artist; depressed; he's angry at something, too. something happened when he graduated college. i just graduated college in january. i went into a depression; he lashes out (this is probably b'c i'm a 4w5, he's 4w3, he extroverts his shit, i close in). i couldn't hold a job for a week; i hit bottom for a week. lethargic. in my own world. i was having suicidal fantasies...real bad. i felt real hopeless. for me, it was about losing my parents: not being a kid anymore; they won't suppport me anymore---this is all in my head now, totally in my own mind. after a while i was like "fuck this, this depression is not getting the best of me." i got that from panic attacks...the fighting back thing; but your friend, doesn't seem to be aware that he's in a rut to want to fight back.
(sorry for talking about myself, it's just the way i do things to relate, and then an answer pops up.)
*i'm going to relate this all to myself and my experience as an actor and with other actors who were frustrated and depressed (blocked)*
wat kind of job does he do? if he's not in music, maybe he's frustrated/depressed that he's not doing that. wat did he get his b.a. and masters in? if not music, again, maybe he's messed up over that?
seems like the real problem started when he graduated? ask him, "wat do you think happened after graduate school." tell him to dig. it seems like he hates that fact that his life is not going his way, the way he wants it. he's got every right to be depressed and pissed off. maybe since he was a little kid, his parents ingrained in him to be practical (get a "money" career). *after college, i was frustrated, b'c i was thinking for some ungodly reason that i HAD to get a "regular job." which is BULLSHIT!* maybe unconsciously he's doing this; my therapist told me when i was training as an actor and i couldn't cry, she said, "do it for myself." BANG! it sounds like there's some kind of conflict in his mind..he doesn't realize it. tell him to DO IT FOR HIMSELF.
make him aware his in a rut. help him fight back. go to therapy, before he really hits bottom or does something. does he talk to you? maybe you could just let him vent by you just listening and relating.
it's good that he lets things out; but anger is sometimes a defense for depression. and you did say he sits in front of the tv and vegges out.
why don't you ask his father to buy him the 8 track system or the brother to ask the father? pay off his father.
talking. talking. talking. let him talk and vent. you listen. listen. listen.
from the way his been behaving: lashing out and all; he's extroverting his feelings. he seems more like he could kill someone else other than himself. but still keep an eye on him (your there and seeing wat's going on, i'm here).
also, i've learned from 16 years of panic attacks that....all this suffering and pain you go thru....just ride it out (each attack, i just had to ride it out, and it was over). 2 years is long. alot of ppl get depressed/frustrated after graduation; my therapist said it was b'c of losing an identity...that routine. Oh! i also started having a routine...it helps the creativity and brings you back to reality...keeps you focus on wat has to be done. well, he's got that job. it seems like he wants to do something else. he's gotta dig. find out wat's going on inside him. when he does?
*gotta get in touch with wat is making him feel the way he is*
wat i do is? try to imagine myself in the situation again...and feel it in the present moment. let his true feelings about the situation come out. write on paper. make a song out of it. act it out. example: i had a traumatic experience which i think started the panic attacks, i was five and a huge bull-like animal came up to me face to face. i remember just standing still thinking he was going to bite my head off first. and when i had attacks that was the feeling i got...like something was going to take over me. so...when i got a panic attack...i tried to get an image and play out wat's going on. it ended up being the root problem. i sat there...with the panic feeling...consciously waited for an image to appear and see wat the image did to me. remember, now he has total control of the situation....control he didn't have before...so now he can fix wat ever is locked in his mind. c. jung calls this active imagination; in some books i see technique; in acting it's called affective memory...but who gives a shit...you know.
sorry for the long message. i went thru somewat of the same shit. and hey, when i told my therapist that it was hard growing up...she said, "that's an understatement." since life is always going to be changing into different stages, tell him to build somekind of support system for himsself when life gets to be a bummer...so when won't get swallowed. i'm doing it now. i'm a 4w5; i have no idea how i bounce back.....but i'll fight til the end.