Re: Heavy on the fixations....

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: : Greetings fourdom.... : : I was just discussing with Brian C. an upcoming event for me that I'd like to share with you all in the hopes of getting some good ideas on how best to handle it. : : To save time, I have given some background on the big board under the heading 'stayin' alive, stayin' alive' so if you would like to read that first, I'll wait here 'til you get back.... : : Ok - so....there's a huge part of me that wants to avoid public humiliation at all costs. My natural inclination is to withdraw from the whole scene. For the kid's sakes, that is simply not an option. So that's problem number one. : : The other issue is that I'm trying desperately to overcome my fears that, once others know about my history - they will see me as being defective....ugh! I HATE this....it sounds soooo incredibly pathetic! I haven't felt this way in the longest time. I used to, until I worked up the courage to talk about it with some close friends. They were just great about it and I was able to see just how much my fixation on this had imprisoned me - and in time, got over it. At least I THOUGHT I had....now i find the same stupid stuff coming back to bite me on the bum! : : In my head, I don't give a pair of fetid dingoes kidneys WHAT others might think....and that the sun will continue to rise in the east and set in the west even if they DO see me as being somehow defective. I cna't do a thing about it. But in my HEART - there's this little demon stirring up all the bad old feelings....ugggghhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! : : HELPPPP!!!! : : Please? : : Amanda :( : It's strange how demons we thought we buried can come up like this in times of stress. Of course, we have to face them or we never get past them. But you knew that already... : I'm almost surprised to hear that you would tend to withdraw from this--an extrovert shying away from people. I understand the desire to avoid conflict and humiliation, but is there a part of you that's angry at what's happened and wants to see justice served (a connection to 1 perhaps)? Maybe this part can encourage you to "do the right thing". : A piece of advice I've gotten in situations like this is that we can't control the outcome of the situation, but we can control our behavior. What makes us miserable is tying our satisfaction to the results. But what we can do is to act in a way we can be pleased with, and be satisfied that we did the best job we could. How is it you would like to be in that courtroom--calm, powerful, caring, honest, sincere, objective, something else? I'm not sure of any techniques to make it happen, but I think the focus should be on how you can be this way despite the painful feelings. : What I've been trying to do recently is to see everything, even unpleasant experiences, as an adventure and an opportunity for growth. This kind of situation can either tear people apart or give them a chance to grow. It all depends on how you look at it. I know there's a bit of an optimist in you that you can draw on for this. :-) : Finally, I know that you are far stronger than you feel right now. Again, you may be relatively powerless to control the outcome, but you have a great deal of inner strength and power. If you can find that, it will come across in court, and no one will think less of you. I cerainly don't. : - Hal -

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