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Re: need someplace to be...

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Posted by heatherb on July 24, 2000 at 11:45:40:

In Reply to: need someplace to be... posted by Julian on July 24, 2000 at 00:02:03:

Julian, what you are going through must be very difficult and painful... So many conflicting emotions to deal with at once... All I know is that you seem to be a VERY sensitive person, and are doing all you can do to come to terms with everything that is happening, and has happened. It can't be easy. It's like you have been "forced" to suddenly forgive and love and accept your father, who has hurt you so much... But just the fact that you are trying, that you actually HAVE this inner conflict shows a great depth in you, and that you love your father, deep down. Many would just hold on to the anger, and resentment and be blinded by the negative feelings, becoming completely stubborn... And you aren't doing that. That's something admirable, I think.

I mean, I really wish I had just the words or advice to help you, but I really don't know what to say... Although I DO believe you have no reason to feel guilty about the negative feelings you have. You are human, your father is human... and nobody is perfect. You have all the right in the world to feel the way you do... Don't be so hard on yourself. Your father was no saint. You are dealing with the present situation doing the best that you can, caring. Even if it feels strange because of the past...
Now is now, and that moment you mentioned for example, where you hugged your father because you saw him as a person, you felt a genuine connection, is actually a wonderful moment... no matter how difficult it must have been... Because it is NOW what will heal you and will help you see you father as a person. It's a process... And I think that's where you are, in the process of coming to terms with all the things that are happening now together with what has happened before. It's a lot. But it's a good place to be, because you aren't stuck in resentment... You are moving forward.

I wish you all the best, and all the strength in the world... Don't be so hard on yourself.

heatherb

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: Julian, what you are going through must be very difficult and painful... So many conflicting emotions to deal with at once... All I know is that you seem to be a VERY sensitive person, and are doing all you can do to come to terms with everything that is happening, and has happened. It can't be easy. It's like you have been "forced" to suddenly forgive and love and accept your father, who has hurt you so much... But just the fact that you are trying, that you actually HAVE this inner conflict shows a great depth in you, and that you love your father, deep down. Many would just hold on to the anger, and resentment and be blinded by the negative feelings, becoming completely stubborn... And you aren't doing that. That's something admirable, I think. : I mean, I really wish I had just the words or advice to help you, but I really don't know what to say... Although I DO believe you have no reason to feel guilty about the negative feelings you have. You are human, your father is human... and nobody is perfect. You have all the right in the world to feel the way you do... Don't be so hard on yourself. Your father was no saint. You are dealing with the present situation doing the best that you can, caring. Even if it feels strange because of the past... : Now is now, and that moment you mentioned for example, where you hugged your father because you saw him as a person, you felt a genuine connection, is actually a wonderful moment... no matter how difficult it must have been... Because it is NOW what will heal you and will help you see you father as a person. It's a process... And I think that's where you are, in the process of coming to terms with all the things that are happening now together with what has happened before. It's a lot. But it's a good place to be, because you aren't stuck in resentment... You are moving forward. : I wish you all the best, and all the strength in the world... Don't be so hard on yourself. : heatherb

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