To Julian

Posted by cj on July 26, 2000 at 18:35:25:

In Reply to: need someplace to be... posted by Julian on July 24, 2000 at 00:02:03:

:
Julian, I read your post today and it touched me very deeply. My father was also an abusive alcoholic and actually died of alcoholism when I was in highschool. My father was horrible to everyone in my family except me, which put me in a weird position within the family. I connected with every one of them, and they didn't connect with each other individually. It was that way as long as I can remember, and in retrospect, was a tremendous burden for a little kid. I never felt like anybody understood what I understood, basically because they didn't, and have grown up feeling extremely alienated and misunderstood as a result. It has taken me years and years to break through all of that pain and introversion, but the good news is that I have. I know it is "dangerous" to indulge in one's "specialness" as a four, but it can be extremely liberating also. I've managed to accept myself, and love myself, even though I am an alien creature in my family. I've ceased to let them degrade me through their misapprehension of who I am. You can do this too. You can be free, friendly, loving, and who you truly want to be. All of these bad experiences you've had will make you stronger and more empathetic if you allow yourself to be. That includes forgiving yourself for being different, feeling things deeply, and not being understood by those who are supposed to love you the most.

Thank you for sharing your experiences, I hope you find some love and light very soon. Know that people are thinking positive thoughts about you.

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