Posted by cj on July 31, 2000 at 11:25:00:
In Reply to: hey cj posted by Julian on July 28, 2000 at 23:10:23:
I'm glad you read and appreciated my post Julian. It's been such a huge struggle for me, in many ways I feel I've raised myself to be this person I always wanted to be, and sometimes I'm stunned that I survived. A few years after my father's death I became really depressed, hopeless, and suicidal...the only thing that saved me at that time was my fury at my mother (whose response to my plea for help was: "Aren't there some social services where you live, you obviously need help and I can't help you.") and this sense of absurdity over how ridiculously bad my life had become. Thankfully I was able to make it, and though the next ten years were extremely difficult at times, I feel as though I've come to a place where I'm stronger and clearer than I ever imagined possible. The struggles I've been through have created in me a deep well of empathy for those in pain, and also a faith in my ability to live and enjoy the beauty of life no matter the circumstance.
I too am working very hard on unleashing my creativity (through writing) and have been doing it daily for about eight months. It has helped me enormously, not only technically, but also to look at and and deal with the many, many painful memories of my life. I wasn't sure how helpful it was at first, because it brought back so many feelings of hopelessness and powerlessness, also of anger and pain. But in the end, it's been a gift. I hope you are able to find your outlet, and in the meantime your sense of hope and your own voice.
love and light to you, cj