Re: I am ashamed....

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: : ugh! what an ugly situation! Your uncle takes your mentally and physically weak grandma gambling? and LOSING? : Well.. it does no good to tell a 4 to not get so caught up in other people's emotional manipulation.. but that sounds like what it is that is going on.. : well, on the ever irrelevant mystical front, some would say that on higher levels we all communicate everything we think and feel..even if we never said it.. your grandma knows how you feel. she's probably got a lot on her mind, too. it does no good to say you oughtn't be burdened with this kind of thing, since you already are, but maybe she's holding her tongue a bit too because she knows she has a lot to deal with and doesn't need to tax you with it..perhaps. : generally, people who use these kind of slimy tactics that your uncle does find themselves in even deeper s*** later, because these types are always f****** things up and landing in worse situations than they were before.. god damn, extorting money from granma. nice guy. : J : : I'm writing this because i am ashamed. A lot has been happening with my family over the last few months, and i find it too hard to handle. I am ashamed of myself, and of my broader family, but mainly of myself. : : My grandma is staying with us on weekends. She's doing this because she's too old to stay by herself, and she is mentally sick. Physically, she is getting too old to walk. She stays with my father's half brother during the week, whom we have been having many problems with. : : She is in the process of writing, and changing, and rearranging her Will, which she is basically sharing between my father and her step-son (his half-brother or my uncle). My uncle has been taking her gambling when she lives with them, and losing a lot of money in the process. The problem is, he (my uncle) and his wife are putting down our entire family when she lives with them, and talking themselves up. She is just too old and sick to understand reason and see the 'big picture'. So she just believes what people tell her when she talks to them. He was responsible for her taking out my sister and i's proportion of the Will, so in effect this is a direct attack on us. Let me get this straight tho, the money is not an issue, it is the feelings and oppinions of others towards myself and my family that is the problem, and it is this that i'm ashamed of. : : You've probably gathered that i'm having pretty ill feelings towards my uncle, who has always talked behind my back because i haven't been friendly and openly enthusiastic during our yearly family get-togethers. But all this doesn't matter to me in a more direct respect with my grandma. She has ALWAYS been nice to me, loving, caring, etc. I have never really been emotionally friendly towards her, i have been polite. i think she knew that i wasn't an assertive, expressive person towards others, until now that is. My fear is that my uncle is telling her all sorts of bad things about me behind my back, and this is something i just can't fix, because she is so easily manipulated at her age. : : When she dies, i don't know how terrible i'm going to feel. She may die thinking that i don't love her, or that I am a bad person, all this because of my uncle's manipulations towards her. It's not that simple tho. She is sitting downstairs right now, on her own. I try to keep her company, but i just feel very uncomfortable around her, as i just can't express myself at all. My father blames her for gambling (which she has been doing for years now as well) and won't talk to her. She just seems so lonely sitting there, i feel so bad for her. I love her so much, but i am ashamed of myself for not being able to even talk to her. My past has a lot to do with it, but why.. when it is so necessary, is it so hard to express myself? : : She is going to be put into a nursing home tomorrow, because our family can't look after her every weekend. I just feel so ashamed of myself. It just hit me a few hours ago, that in this short time she has left, she could have two totally different views of me, through the fault of my own uncle. I wish... i so wish, that people wouldn't manipulate her like this, to leave her alone. She's just trying to please as many people as she can, and when ppl argue right in front of her face, it just can't be good for her. Just like me, she hates conficts between people, but at least i have plenty of time to get through it. : : I just had to get something out... : : Thanks : : Excalibur

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