Re: How to toughen up an ego

Subject:

Comments:
: : : : : : : : : hello, I have never posted here, so bare with me. I am a 4. I learned this 16 years ago when I was a teenager. I was on my way to becoming a healthier 4 when I got into a relationship with a unhealthy 3. We were engaged, and almost married, when the whole thing blew up. : : : : He was initially very attracted to me because he thought that I was very pretty. I thought he was a little conceited, and not my type. But he pursued me and wooed me with flowers, gifts, and expensive dates. He seemed so smittened, that I began to feel secure. : : : : Shortly after we became engaged, he began flirting with every woman in sight. I became insecure, and depressed. He couldn't deal with my "F__ up emotions" and stated that if I didn't "get a grip, there are plenty of women who would want a guy like me." One night , in retaliation, I told him that I had fantasies about other men, and that I didn't have fantasies about him anymore. He looked as though I had kicked him in the gut. We broke up that night. : : : : I decided to get myself healthier again. That is when he started calling my co-workers at work. "I have found a new girl and she is must prettier than [angel cakes]" He brags about how happy he is without me. My co-workers entertain this. I have difficulty concealing my hurt, and I am afraid that it will get back to him. It could only build his ego. : : : : Any suggestions how to handle this? : : : : Peace, : : : : AngelCakes : : : Hello Angel Cakes, : : : Here's the burning question of the day--Why do you care what he thinks or whether or not he has an inflated ego? I know this sounds awfully simplistic but you are dealing with someone who operates on a pretty base level. The only way I've ever seen anyone overcome in a situation such as this is to just ignore the s.o.b. Believe me, this will do more to traumatize him and crush his precious ego than all the fighting back you could do in ten life times. : : : Ev : : Dear Ev, : : You are right. I know it. I am so transparent, that everyone can see my pain. I guess I was looking for advice on how to conceal discomfort. I know that I should get over what other people think~ but it is hard and I struggle with it daily. : : I don't want revenge. I want a poker face, and an ego stong enough to handle the blows that other people inflict on my ego. It is an on-going problem since childhood when I would cry on the playground and the other children would tease me. : : Any advice on how to toughen up would be helpful : : Angelcakes : To "toughen up" you have to allow yourself to be hurt. You're trying to fight the pain by pushing it away and denying that it's there. It's when we deny our emotions that they have their greatest power. My advice is to find a place you feel safe, or maybe a close friend you feel safe with, and allow yourself to experience the full force of the pain. I bet you'll (eventually) see that beneath it all, you are still okay. It will definitely hurt for a while, maybe more than you've been hurt before. But you'll find beyond that hurt is a great deal of strength and power which you can call your own. There's no need to give away that power, since it truly is yours. : - Hal -

Optional Link URL:
Link Title:
Optional Image URL: