Re: My friend

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: : : Brian, Would you say a 9 is more likely to be MPD or BPD? What can one do to help somewhat with dissociative problems? : : : I have a friend who is a 9 who I think really suffers. I wish I knew how to help. : : : : 9s have a tendency to not act upon feelings (whether T or F.) For some, this manifests as an Obs. Comp. tendency : : (not OCD.) A tendency to narcotize exists (distracting piddling, food, alcohol, etc.) Perceptive acquaintances can : : discern an absence of self in 9 friends which superficially seems "self-less," an admirable quality (Ronald Reagan?) : Absence of self aptly describes his personality. He merges with others and takes up there likes and dislikes. I get annoyed at this, so I try to bring him out by asking " What would you like to do? eat? listen to? etc. etc. : : Professional Psychiatric assessment can determine if pathology exists (Character disorder, Personality disorder) or if : : normal, but neuraotic exists. Normals can improve with either emotive therapy (art, music, dance) or Cognitive : : therapy (for the affective 9s.) IMO 9s are more likely<B> "submerged personalities"</B> rather than BPD/MPD. Anything is : : possible (no pun intended) : What exactly is a "submerged personality"? I mean it is self- explanatory, but is there a medical definition? How does it happen? I know my friend had a hellish home life growing up. He ran away quite a bit and has major issues with rejection from his mother. As a teenager, when his girlfriend broke up with him ( his "dreamgirl" as he put it) He cut him self. I guess as you said, to connect with the pain, and HIMSELF. I saw the scars. : : but IMO most 9s value self-lessness, UNTIL that moment of TRUTH appears. Then the : : anger emerges and requires focused application by an adult who has little skill at assertive behavior. The result is : : a form of ambivalent rage, sadism, or cynicism. : I think he is VERY angry underneath. He has suffered with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and I read that it is caused by "swallowing anger". : : Personal advice: encourage your friend to gradually get physically active (body, mind connection) and thus prime the : : pump. The chore is to get out of head or heart and become aware of Gut. Physical and social activity are a starting : : point. When the 9 wants to improve suggest a spiritual approach like the Enneagram. Then let go. And hope for the : : best. Giving honest acceptance of preferences helps a 9 become aware that they (preferences and the 9) exist. : : We are skilled at frustrating most people because of an inherent antipathy to change and responsibility. : He can be VERY frustrating. I never know quite what to expect. I usually want to withdraw from the friendship because he is so unpredictable and I am a Four so I naturally want to protect my fragile self esteem. The thing is I genuinely care about the guy. How can I be there for him in a tangible way without adding to his problems? : : Sounds charming doesn't it? Clint Eastwood? Annette Benning? Dwight Eisenhower? Mahahtma Ghandi? Wm Holden? : : Can't be all bad. : He's a great person. I don't think he believes in himself, although others believe in him.

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