Re: Writer's block

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: Hi Amanda! : Well, I've been away from this stomping ground for a while during my vacation, but I just took a look at the board now on a little break at work, and this was the first message I read. Must be fate... :-) : I agree with a lot of what Ev said below, and I'd like to expand on it as well. It does seem like writing this song will bring a sense of finality to Amy's move; something like that is always hard to admit. And yes, things will never be the same. But I sincerely believe that they will be better. It will take a while, as both you and Amy go through some healing, and Amy goes through a lot of growth in the future. But just imagine the day when you can relate to each other and connect with each other without the hissy-fits and arguments that you've had to deal with in the past? Imagine how much deeper your relationship will be with so much of that surface tension out of the way? : The first thing I thought of when I read this is that it seems quite clear that you're blocked because sitting down to finish this song would necessarily bring up so many painful feelings. To combine words and music to perfectly express how you feel means feeling the full force of everything, to go into the depths of the painful emotions. Being blocked seems like a defense that some part of your mind has put up against what it believes will be too painful for it to handle. What the mind doesn't realize, though, is that going to those depths lessens the feelings' power over you; it is not a dangerous place to be, despite the pain involved. And the heart does not need to listen to these stories and belifes that the mind conjures up. The heart knows the love and connection that is always there. : This all also brings up something I was thinking about weeks ago, when you first told me that Amy had moved out. It occurred to me that as a young woman trying to come into her own and find out who she is, Amy probably has a need to fight back against you and separate herself from you. It doesn't matter how much of a positive influence you are on her--she needs to discover the woman she is when she is without you. All the fights you have with her, and all the difficulties she gives you have nothing to do with you; she would have fought back the same way against any mother. Maybe you can find comfort and joy in knowing that you are part of this very important process for her. And even if you can't see this right now, you should certainly find joy in knowing that you have done an outstanding job raising her, and teaching her, and loving her. Once she's more comfortable with her sense of self, I believe that she will recognize this as well, as over the years to come she will slowly remember and appreciate all that you've shown her. : Hope some of this helps. Now sit down and write that song so I can hear it the next time I come to visit. :-) : - Hal - : : : Evening all :) : : OK, so it's after 4am late Sunday night (so technically it's Monday morning, but that's not the point) - and I'm having a crisis. : : I'm trying to write a song and I can't get it out. That may not sound like that much of a big deal to you, but I'm a professional songwriter - so it's a very big f~*^!ing deal to me! I workshop high school kids to write songs as a part of my living for God's sake, and I can't even write one of my own..and this song is REALLY important to me. If it sounds like I'm freaking out, that's only because I AM! : : I've had the idea for this particular song floating around in the netherlands of my mind for weeks now - ever since my daughter went to live with her dad. I've done everything I know how to cope - but still I spend so many nights just crying. Anyway, a friend called me late a couple of nights ago and caught me upset. He said he was calling because he was worried about me, that he'd noticed how often this sort of night was happening - and when I was going to pull my finger out and write the song. He knows, as does anyone close to me, that I can't seem to really deal with something painful until I've expressed it in a song. And he's absolutely right, you know. It's what I've always done. Back in the days when I wasn't able to cry (I used to throw up instead..charming, eh?) I used to express myself through song. I would get to a point where I felt I would burst if I didn't express myself somehow - and music was something that occupied most of my waking hours - so it was a natural progression, really....I just sort of fell into it. : : I know I'm rambling here and I'm sorry, if you'll just bear with me while I try to get this out right. You see, the problem is that now I'm blocked. I spent last night and some time tonight finishing off the words - and it was really really emotionally exhausting. I can't stress this enough. I mean, I cried so much I gave myself a headache. Tonight, I finally got on to the piano (that was a real effort too, I had so much resistance) and then I started playing the saddest music - it just kind of flowed from my fingers. : : Now, I can't seem to get the two together, and I don't mean that they don't go together. I mean that I can't bring myself to try them together. They may not even go together. How do I explain this? ALWAYS, whenever I've been writing a song, I can either imagine the music behind the words, or I can imagine the words going with the music. Tonight, I'm somehow numb to it. I can read the words, and they evoke the emotion I'm trying to convey. I hear the music - and IT evokes the emotion I'm trying to convey....but I can't hear that music and think those words all at the same time.... : : This must sound so lame

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