Re: Ev: Re: Thread below....

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: Hey there Matches :) : I agree with the others that it all depends on how you define 'contentment'. I favour Ev and Summer's definition over yours. I have never equated 'contentment' with 'complacency'. : For the rest of my views, see '..le plane!....le plane!...' post below. : smiles : Amanda :) : : : My aversion to contentment. My whole idea of living life being content is living a life of stagnation. The key phrase of your post was "If you don't have contentment in the present you can't be very happy." There ya go. You're right, I CAN'T be very happy. But was also follows is that if I'm content to stay as I am right now, I'm NEVER going to really be happy. To me, there is a difference between being "happy" and being "content." : : Matches, I think you may be confusing contentment with complacency. I never intended to give the impression that you should remain static. If something is making you unhappy you should by all means deal with the underlying problem. It seems to me that you are saying you have neither the power nor the desire to take the action necessary for change. If this is the case *then* I'll agree that you can't be happy. I don't believe you are powerless to deal with whatever issues which make you unhappy. You have the ability; do you have the will? : : : You also said "As long as you know you need to change in order to be happy, I can't understand why you need her to realize what you already know." I'm very forgetful. Seeing her serves as a reminder of things that I don't have and gives me reason to change. : : What things do you not have that she calls to remembrance? Are these things that you can't get without her, or is she one of the things? I understand this may be too personal a question so forgive me if I offend, and of course feel free not to respond. :) : : In this past week, I've felt that sense of contentment coming over me, almost trying to convince me that everything's not so bad. How can I become a better person I'm constantly becoming complacent. Content to tick away the moments that make up the day, wasting away the hours in an offhand way... : : Once again, this feeling of contentment may well be the accurate reflection of how your life really is. I also pointed out in the previous post that contentment doesn't preclude actions which bring change. It's perfectly consistent to be content with what you have "in the here and now" while working toward things you want in the future. One of the problems endemic of type 4's is the inability to be happy with "what is". This is a negative fixation and should be seen and treated as such. To say that we can't be happy until we realize "what could be" is to consign ourselves to a live devoid of joy. I've decided that I don't want to live like this any longer even though it means I had to give up the sense of melancholy I loved so much. It's well within your power to do the same. : : :) : : Ev : : : ---------------------------- : : : : "Unrequited love's a bore, yeah, : : : : And I've got it pretty bad. : : : : But for someone you adore, : : : : its a pleasure to be sad." : : : :These are pretty cool lyrics but they are a roadmap to martyrdom. Unrequited love is not something to cling to even though it may seem a romantic notion. We're skirting the fringe of codependence here. : : : : The title of the song is "Glad To Be Unhappy" and it really kind of sums up the way I feel. As you put it, a twisted situation is not the best situation to be in when looking for personal growth. : : : : When I've been out of contact with her for a while (as I have in the past week or so), it seems that I become a bit more content with myself. I have a problem with that, though. I think being "content" is no way to live a life. I know that to really be happy, I need to change, and more than anything or anyone, she makes me realize that....even if it makes me sick ot my stomach....glad to be unhappy. : : : I don't understand your aversion to contentment. To be happy is to be content with what you have in the present while you work toward what you want in the future. If you don't have contentment in the present you can't be very happy. A certain level of frustration is beneficial because it spurs us in the direction of change, but there must be limits to how much frustration we allow into our lives. One can easily miss life's present joys by fixating on future desires. Today is a "gift" of great value, that's why we call it the "present". : : : As long as you know you need to change in order to be happy, I can't understand why you need her to realize what you already know. It sounds as if, and I could be way wrong, you are willing to "change" in order to make yourself more pleasing to her. It seems you have a reverse Pygmalion project going. Don't go there if you can avoid it. : : : Ev : : : ----------------------------------------

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