Posted by Ana on September 19, 2000 at 02:57:38:
In Reply to: On my 'love' post posted by Excalibur on September 19, 2000 at 02:27:57:
: Basically I have found it very difficult to conceive that so many people waste (well maybe not 'waste') so much of their time and energy devoting themselves to others (and i'm not talking about a romantic relationship here). And so many of them don't give a shit (hope that's ok to say) about themselves.
Do so many people do that?
: It really was simple... and i have a knack for going off track or even never starting on track... I (every second day) wonder whether I will ever enter a relationship without it all being 'me' orientated. I look forward and i see myself with 'her' and wonder whether she will be an end to all my identity problems, or simply another way to get through some of them. If she is the latter, i will in effect, be 'using' her. AHHH....! That is what i really hate about myself. I don't WANT to be like that, and even if i don't seem to be, i will still FEEL like i am.
You're over-analyzing everything before it's even begun! What's the point in thinking about it? You don't know how you'll act in a relationship until you're in one.
: So it comes to this. A true relationship can be so benificial to both people, a way to grow together and regognise each others capabilities. So to grow together... in effect, is a selfish act on my part to help me understand myself better. Yeah yeah, you're all going to say that's not the case, but as i said, it will still FEEL like it. Whatever that saying is, about loving yourself before you can love anyone else, is very real to me. I almost feel like i have to grow, individually and on my own, as a person before i can enter any sort of relationship. Because if i am even slightly incapable of liking myself, it will simply ruin another poor soul's life.
When will you know when you're ready to enter a relationship? What if the opportunity comes along before? I don't think it's selfish at all for another person to help you understand yourself better. How can you grow--completely on your own? I know it's possible, but another person can help without even knowing they are helping.
I mean, I was at an unhealthy level when I met my boyfriend, but in the time I've known him I've done the most growing and learning about myself I've ever done. I've learned so much about myself and relationships in general, just from being with him. And he is a Sensor and didn't even understand the concept of 'developing oneself'. If the person you're eventually with is a patient and gentle soul and they like you, they'll put up with your neurotic hangups and personal quirks! You'll probably be bettering someone's life, not ruining it. Give yourself more credit.