Re: to Ayla and Michelle

Posted by Devora-Leah on April 22, 1998 at 19:00:48:

In Reply to: Re: To Ayla posted by michelle on April 22, 1998 at 11:47:38:

I find myself having a sort of allergic reaction lately to Oneness (which epitomizes my mother). My mother always tried to make me a One just like her. It wasn't until I discovered the Enneagram that I realized in fact my nature is entirely different from hers. I used to be quite hung up on perfectionism (still am to a lesser degree) and felt quite rule-bound (social conventions and the like). So I was burdened with a lot of the more negative aspects of One from my mother. Now I found myself acting like a rebellious teenager. I refuse to strive to keep the house perfect (not that I ever really could with my Four "pile" tendencies!). I find myself becoming freer, more open-minded, and more generally inquisitive as I try to let go of the negative Oneness.

Of course, we are supposed to integrate to One at the healthy level, and I appreciate what you've said, Michelle, about discipline. The problem I have is there is always this One voice of my mother in me, telling me I'm not good enough, I'm not accomplishing enough. So my tendency is not to delve too deeply into One at all right now, though I do have naturally high standards for myself anyhow. I think as soon as I get through my teenage revulsion stage, I will be better able to appreciate the One that I can integrate into my personality. But I find for now it is very releasing to allow for the full expression of the POSITIVE aspects of Four that I was denied by my mother since her Oneness tended to dampen them -- the creativity, the compassion, the general passion for life, etc. I think the key for me will be to concentrate on One more gradually, to give myself time to dissociate it with my mother.

Anyway, good luck on moving to One!

Devora-Leah

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• Re: to Ayla and Michelle Michelle 12:34:35 4/23/98 (0)

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