Helen Of Shadows would have never worked out with me

Posted by K.B. on November 19, 2000 at 02:55:56:

In Reply to: I'll play Helen of Troy in this movie with a happy end. posted by Gigi on November 19, 2000 at 01:08:59:

Gracie was right. In a romantic relationship, HOS would have pushed me hard enough to turn it into a "me fight" all the way. I now realize HOS was one of those who was afraid to succeed. One hint to this was when she said that she couldn't deal with a man who treated her nice and the other was in her carrying the torch for and letting back a failed ex into her life. The last I heard from HOS {I think 1999} nothing had changed; "Eddie was gone for good" for the fifth time and conditions remained the same in her life.

Except that she gained a lot of weight, dressed a lot sloppier to the job and wore a cheap and messy wig. All signs that she was finding "reasons" to give up the dream. She could say that all men {but one} treated her badly; what did she do to bring this about? Eddie was supposed to be a gambler,cheater,neglecter. What might HOS have done to POSSIBLY ensure this outcome? Or POSSIBLY she picks these kinds of men.

But HOS looked to me to use her past as an excuse to quit rather than use her past to learn from and to try to "change" her present and future. To me it indicates a fear of happiness and a need to be miserable alone instead of miserable together. I realize that she knew I would help her overcome her low self esteem, but she feared that. She was comfortable the way she "knew" herself and her low self esteem itself wouldn't allow her the confidence to go for a serious change.

Being a very imperfect man myself, I wouldn't have been happy for long playing the "superior" role of mentor. I think that my relationship with Meryl showed how quickly the starry eyed dream of romance can fade with me when I see certain flaws. I see them now in HOS; given a romance with her, I would have seen them then. And my flaws would have clashed with hers, such as my 4 need to be special clashing with hers.

I played "caring" to get a romance going. For my needs and not hers.She played "caring" to get someone she could vent to. My early reading of her saw "interest" but it was through my bias. Her early reading of me saw "kind and nice friend to hear me out/non potential boyfriend" but it was through her bias. Her agenda was never to romance me and mine was never to find a "good" friend.

So I'm happily married now but even if single I would never have any romantic feeling left for her. I like her as a person, maybe even as a good friend but she didn't win. There was nothing to win because it wasn't anything there besides my misreading and misperception of her until maybe August 97. Nothing she could win by making me a good friend who would have "justified" {in her hopes} reasons to be miserable by repeating her complaints to me and having me agree with her.

I wish her Enlightenment.

Follow Ups:

• Re: Helen Of Shadows would have never worked out with me Gigi 14:01:55 11/19/00 (4)
  • Correction: I am *not* like Helen of Troy!<< Gigi 15:42:43 11/19/00 (0)
  • Re: Helen Of Shadows would have never worked out with me K.B. 14:23:30 11/19/00 (2)
    • Don't worry! Gigi 15:45:00 11/19/00 (1)
      • Re: Don't worry! K.B. 15:58:34 11/19/00 (0)

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