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Enneagram Type 4 Board Archive Re: I've been noticing...Posted by Excalibur on November 26, 2000 at 01:27:15: In Reply to: I've been noticing... posted by S. K. on November 26, 2000 at 01:03:35: : ...some very unhealthy patterns in myself recently. : I thrive on attention from others, but I can't bring myself to reciprocate. (That is, to say "Thanks for the attention!") And when I start to finally get the attention I THOUGHT I wanted, I turn and run the other way, because it scares me too much--or else I "suspect" it's not real. : I also tend to "forget" the kind gestures of others once I get upset again. For example, I get upset, a bunch of people comfort me and say kind things, I say, "Thank you, I feel better now!"...then a few days later something happens, I get upset, I rather obliquely "demand" attention from others, validation that I'm still valued by them, that they still like me. : As soon as I get upset, all that kindness and assurance they already gave me just flies out the door! : I don't THINK I'm borderline, but damned if I don't have some serious issues. I used to be the same when i was much closer to my friends. I will probably be the same when i develop closer friends who i can trust. I think the push-pull relationships Fours struggle to come to terms with also apply to close friendships as well. People tell me how good i am, whatever that may be, and i either don't say anything or say something stupid like 'yeah right'. I have often walked off on my own during a party or similar event as if i wanted to be alone, secretly hoping others will follow me and comfort me. This is where my demands become very real. If they don't follow me, i feel as though they don't care, but if they do, i prefer that they aren't there and tell them to leave (most of the time). And yes i also forget the many gestures people make towards me, but i think that has something to do with believing they have no idea who i am, so how could they possibly help me? Excalibur
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