Posted by Dianna on November 30, 2000 at 22:30:13:
In Reply to: I just cut a shadow 4 friend out of my life... posted by 2mama on November 29, 2000 at 22:06:05:
: ...and know I did the right thing. I'm the ultra-nurturing 2 type. Have never posted on an enneagram board before. Anyway, here's the story. For over nine years I listened to the continual narcisisstic melodramas, tried to help, and let myself get sucked in. Then the straw that broke the camel's back happened over the recent holiday. There was no getting sucked into that sick energy again. I looked at my own shadow stuff. Fear of being disliked and fear of anger. I know that's why I put up with this woman's crap for so long, along with a genuinely altruistic feeling sorry for her and fascination with her truly lovely side. No one in my family, including my husband, got why I tolerated her craziness for so long. I often wondered "why indeed" myself. No offense intended to any 4s here. I'd like feedback on how I ultimately cut the situation off COLD. There's no going back and in fact an incredible sense of relief and freedom. I found myself, though, doing something ungeard of to me. I realized that engaging this woman in dialogue about her negative behaviors was pointless. It only invited more drama queen behavior, which was likely to be followed by a bit of personal growth and then backsliding into the self-sabatoguing drama mistress mode. I couldn't engage it at all anymore. She called tonight, making nice. I said, in detachment. "the friendship's over. Don't call back." of course, within 2 minutes, the phone rang. "What's going on? I'm scared..." All I could say was "I don't want't any connection with you ever again; not in this life or any other. Don't try and contact me. Do you wonder why people dump you cold, and now me too? Look to yourself for answers. I'm not angry at you, but I can't take your behaviors anymore. Have a good life." Then I hung up. I felt a tremendous weight lifted off me. I guess the underlying question is, for a truly unintegrated, about 50% psychotic 4, is there ever a chance of really getting through to them. Believe me, I tried for years.