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Posted by Mikko on December 02, 2000 at 10:01:07:

In Reply to: I think... posted by S. K. on December 01, 2000 at 15:35:59:

First of all I have to say that this whole issue is a bit foreign to me. Still, one thing makes me think here.

S.K and Cathy posted about the issue of 'friendship'. You aren't supposed to dump a friend and so on. But reading the description of this unhealthy Four is like reading about a snot from hell. That is a fact. I don't know if some people here are identifying with her because of the type number, but it seems obvious to me that no one around here is nearly as unhealthy (or at least doesn't seem that way) and that is the thing that makes a difference.

You can carry on only so far before you can't go on any further. If you are facing at possibly losing your own health by dealing with a malignant emotional vampire or just cutting the contact to that person, which would you choose? I think that a sign of a friendship is mutual respect and balanced interaction. It's no use calling unhealthy co-dependency a 'friendship'.

It can very well be that the loss of contact is the thing that finally pushes the Four to deal with her problems. Or it might not have such a positive effect. But the point is that ending up with two broken psyches isn't exactly a good end result.

Mentally unbalanced, needy people can be horribly exhausting. There's no end or measure to the ways how they drain others. If I understood correctly, this person had been told she needs therapy. It has been done repeatedly. She didn't take heed and was still using her friend. She had also been told earlier that she's an impossible person to be with. Now it's her time to realize what it really means in real life. As I said, it doesn't necessarily help her at all. But it might be enough to make her accept her problems.

The 'tough love' approach S.K suggested might've worked well earlier, but when there's nothing to give anymore, when you are empty and need to take a break in order to survive, it isn't an option either. But you can't point anyone and said "it's your fault!" You can't say that "It was bad that you to enabled (feed) the Four". Just as you can't say "It was bad you sucked off that Two".

Mikko

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: First of all I have to say that this whole issue is a bit foreign to me. Still, one thing makes me think here. : S.K and Cathy posted about the issue of 'friendship'. You aren't supposed to dump a friend and so on. But reading the description of this unhealthy Four is like reading about a snot from hell. That is a fact. I don't know if some people here are identifying with her because of the type number, but it seems obvious to me that no one around here is nearly as unhealthy (or at least doesn't seem that way) and that is the thing that makes a difference. : You can carry on only so far before you can't go on any further. If you are facing at possibly losing your own health by dealing with a malignant emotional vampire or just cutting the contact to that person, which would you choose? I think that a sign of a friendship is mutual respect and balanced interaction. It's no use calling unhealthy co-dependency a 'friendship'. : It can very well be that the loss of contact is the thing that finally pushes the Four to deal with her problems. Or it might not have such a positive effect. But the point is that ending up with two broken psyches isn't exactly a good end result. : Mentally unbalanced, needy people can be horribly exhausting. There's no end or measure to the ways how they drain others. If I understood correctly, this person had been told she needs therapy. It has been done repeatedly. She didn't take heed and was still using her friend. She had also been told earlier that she's an impossible person to be with. Now it's her time to realize what it really means in real life. As I said, it doesn't necessarily help her at all. But it might be enough to make her accept her problems. : The 'tough love' approach S.K suggested might've worked well earlier, but when there's nothing to give anymore, when you are empty and need to take a break in order to survive, it isn't an option either. But you can't point anyone and said "it's your fault!" You can't say that "It was bad that you to enabled (feed) the Four". Just as you can't say "It was bad you sucked off that Two". : : Mikko

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