|
Enneagram Type 4 Board Archive Re: Feeling AlonePosted by Matches on August 25, 1999 at 22:27:47: In Reply to: Feeling Alone posted by Hal on August 25, 1999 at 10:56:34: : Hello 4's. : The past few weeks, I've been in a bit of a depression following my vacation. The vacation was great; the hard part was being separated from all the great people I met when I had to come home. Since then, I've been almost constantly wondering where my life is going, and what the point is of going there. : But more than that is that I have been feeling a very profound sense of being alone. It's more than just the loneliness I've felt in the past--it's an empty void within. It's a fear of separation from the world, from others, and from God. It is dark and quiet and very much apart. : As with many things in life, this feeling often centers around a romantic interest. It's someone I've written about here before--a very good friend of mine whom I suddenly became attracted to a number of months ago. Well, I'm still completely in love with her, and she's still not interested in being more than friends. I see her fairly often, and we usually have a good time together and feel deeply connected. We've shared a lot of our spiritual journey's together over the past year. : Last night I talked to her on the phone about an angry e-mail she sent me. She's been going through a difficult time and has also been rather depressed lately (BTW, she's a 2.) The conversation was great, and ended on a very positive note. But all evening I had been anxious and nervous waiting for her to call. And when it ended, I was again overwhelmed by this profound feeling of separation and void. One of the things we talked about was dating and relationships, and it just continues to tear me up inside that I can't be with her. It seems that it's always bittersweet when I see or talk to her--we have a great time, but I long for so much more. But last night, the feeling went well beyond bittersweet and longing into that painful void; I'm trying to find a better way to desctibe the feeling, but words are failing me right now. : I'm not even sure what I'm looking for in posting this today. The feelings come and go, and at the moment it's not that bad, but last night it was excruciating. Any questions I can think of to ask sound so trite and simplistic--has anyone ever felt this, how can I overcome it, how can I let her go, etc. I really don't know what to do, but I also don't want people telling me what I should do or have to do. But I still want to hear from all of you. What are your experiences of being alone like this? I have so much more, but the thoughts are still jumbled. Hopefully the wisdom of the 4 board will spark something within me so I can see all this in a better light. : - Hal - Hi. I think I can relate to what you're going through as well. For a while, my situation was similar (I say "similar" because every situation is unique) ... What did I do about it? Nothing, really. And though perhaps Summer and Ev and Amanda have good insights....probably wise insights...they are, as I beleive Summer put it, somewhat (unpalatable). So far my response to my situation (which is very similar to yours) has been to convince myself that I don't care too much for this certain person....that I can meet someone else who will make me forget this current girl....And last time I checked, you kind of have to make an effort to "meet" someone... which I haven't really made. (I've never been big on effort). The point is, I'm delaying the inevitable. The feelings have been bottled up for so long that soon something is going to explode....its going to be the end of me as I know it.....I'm trying to say that I don't want to see that happen to you... So my "advice" to you is, if its at all possible....follow the others' advice.....
|
|