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On being oneself....

On being oneself....

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Posted by Amanda :) on September 06, 1999 at 11:50:49:

In Reply to: Re: Defining I and Self posted by Sam on September 05, 1999 at 19:57:32:

Hi there Sam and Tiggy :)

Interesting questions you pose here Sam....

: : Re. the following test of introversion/extraversion
: I would always cringe at someone calling me introvert...I feel like I
: am a quashed extravert. I too get my energy and drain from people, and when
: I am with the 'right' person, or in a place that I can trust, I am full
: of energy, voice, antics which all seem to flow naturally from me.

I think that this is true for all of us - at least to some extent. There is nothing quite like that feeling one gets after having spent a really wonderful evening with loved and trusted friends, and come away SO energised you feel you could take on the whole world! Just like there is no feeling quite like an evening spent in the company of people with whom you have nothing whatsoever in common - and feel that it's not safe to reveal yourself - knowing that you wouldn't fit in. Plenty of energy from one, and a real energy drain from the other. These are very 'situational' variants - and, whilst these factors play a role in a practical sense, for the purposes of my argument, they are a little beside the point when trying to determin introversion or extroversion.

Perhaps it would be helpful to re-set the scene within more managable parameters and re-define the question: You're emotionally drained and this is beginning to physically effect you. You need to 'recharge' your batteries - and need to 'get things straight' in your own mind and to your own satisfaction.
Do you: a) Go and spend time with a trusted friend or friends - and clarify your thinking by inviting the other to be a "sounding board"?
or, b) Go and find some solitude in which to think things through enough to make sense of the situation - and to have some space to rest and re-charge without needing to spend any energy on having to be present to another?

Notice the different ways that introverts and extroverts clarify their thinking - an extrovert will, more often than not, be best able to clarify their thinking when opening up to another. It is often in having to explain my thinking to another that things become clearer to myself. It's almost as if, hearing it out loud, some things become more apparent. For instance, the priority of an issue soon emerges - how much emphasis is placed on a particular issue, emphasised by my tone of speech, and the depth of my feeling when describing it to another - all these elements synthesize and help to consolidate my thinking. This is not to say that I haven't thought things through for myself - quite the contrary - but that my prefered way to clarify my thinking is to have another to be my 'sounding board.' There are times when I enjoy my own company and can rest and recuperate quite happily in solitude - but it's never long begore I feel the need for human contact and interaction for some stimulation. If I am forced to spend a great length of time alone, I begin to feel that my life is cut off from the world and 'on hold'.

As for the experience of the introvert - there are others far more qualified to describe that than I - so I'll leave that to them.

People
: have been 'amazed' at seeing this 'other side' of me. I know, that withing me
: there is a fun loving, gregarious, people oriented person. Usually what
: charges me is when I am in a place of loving, caring people.
: When I have 'felt' those words... I love you ... I become truly a living,
: loving, sensitive affectionate person. Being affirmed brings so much out
: of me.

A human experience of the best kind.

: Regretably, I am a very cautious person when it comes to being my self...and
: so I drain myself of energy, trying to find a person where being my self
: is ok, that I present myself as alone, and to my self.

Could you clarify this please? "....present myself as alone, and to myself...." I don't quite get you here.

: I believe and understand you about quadravert, and I believe that it is
: defined by our energy, place and people we are with. Is it safe???
: meaning, am I going to receive positive energy from those around me, and from
: that extra vert me from my self. The process is still a process of
: vigilence, but one which blosoms like a flower in those few seconds of
: positive sensing in the vigilence.

This 'vigilance' that you speak of....do you mean 'staying in the present' - really being 'present' to opening up to those around you? I have often felt that one of the keys to healthy fourdom is to stay focused in the present - to deal with what is right in front of you - good or bad.

smiles
Amanda :)

Follow Ups:

Re: On being oneself.... Sam 20:33:01 9/06/99 (3)
- Re: Sam where you been? (On being oneself....) Tigster 20:51:47 9/09/99 (1)
  - Sam to Tig Sam 22:15:28 9/10/99 (0)
- Re: On being oneself.... Hal 13:34:47 9/07/99 (0)
Re: On being oneself.... Tiggy 17:16:03 9/06/99 (0)
Re: On being oneself.... Ev 17:11:02 9/06/99 (0)

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Comments:
: Hi there Sam and Tiggy :) : Interesting questions you pose here Sam.... : : : Re. the following test of introversion/extraversion : : I would always cringe at someone calling me introvert...I feel like I : : am a quashed extravert. I too get my energy and drain from people, and when : : I am with the 'right' person, or in a place that I can trust, I am full : : of energy, voice, antics which all seem to flow naturally from me. : I think that this is true for all of us - at least to some extent. There is nothing quite like that feeling one gets after having spent a really wonderful evening with loved and trusted friends, and come away SO energised you feel you could take on the whole world! Just like there is no feeling quite like an evening spent in the company of people with whom you have nothing whatsoever in common - and feel that it's not safe to reveal yourself - knowing that you wouldn't fit in. Plenty of energy from one, and a real energy drain from the other. These are very 'situational' variants - and, whilst these factors play a role in a practical sense, for the purposes of my argument, they are a little beside the point when trying to determin introversion or extroversion. : Perhaps it would be helpful to re-set the scene within more managable parameters and re-define the question: You're emotionally drained and this is beginning to physically effect you. You need to 'recharge' your batteries - and need to 'get things straight' in your own mind and to your own satisfaction. : Do you: a) Go and spend time with a trusted friend or friends - and clarify your thinking by inviting the other to be a "sounding board"? : or, b) Go and find some solitude in which to think things through enough to make sense of the situation - and to have some space to rest and re-charge without needing to spend any energy on having to be present to another? : Notice the different ways that introverts and extroverts clarify their thinking - an extrovert will, more often than not, be best able to clarify their thinking when opening up to another. It is often in having to explain my thinking to another that things become clearer to myself. It's almost as if, hearing it out loud, some things become more apparent. For instance, the priority of an issue soon emerges - how much emphasis is placed on a particular issue, emphasised by my tone of speech, and the depth of my feeling when describing it to another - all these elements synthesize and help to consolidate my thinking. This is not to say that I haven't thought things through for myself - quite the contrary - but that my prefered way to clarify my thinking is to have another to be my 'sounding board.' There are times when I enjoy my own company and can rest and recuperate quite happily in solitude - but it's never long begore I feel the need for human contact and interaction for some stimulation. If I am forced to spend a great length of time alone, I begin to feel that my life is cut off from the world and 'on hold'. : As for the experience of the introvert - there are others far more qualified to describe that than I - so I'll leave that to them. : : People : : have been 'amazed' at seeing this 'other side' of me. I know, that withing me : : there is a fun loving, gregarious, people oriented person. Usually what : : charges me is when I am in a place of loving, caring people. : : When I have 'felt' those words... I love you ... I become truly a living, : : loving, sensitive affectionate person. Being affirmed brings so much out : : of me. : A human experience of the best kind. : : Regretably, I am a very cautious person when it comes to being my self...and : : so I drain myself of energy, trying to find a person where being my self : : is ok, that I present myself as alone, and to my self. : Could you clarify this please? "....present myself as alone, and to myself...." I don't quite get you here. : : I believe and understand you about quadravert, and I believe that it is : : defined by our energy, place and people we are with. Is it safe??? : : meaning, am I going to receive positive energy from those around me, and from : : that extra vert me from my self. The process is still a process of : : vigilence, but one which blosoms like a flower in those few seconds of : : positive sensing in the vigilence. : This 'vigilance' that you speak of....do you mean 'staying in the present' - really being 'present' to opening up to those around you? I have often felt that one of the keys to healthy fourdom is to stay focused in the present - to deal with what is right in front of you - good or bad. : smiles : Amanda :)

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