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Enneagram Type 4 Board Archive Re: Motivation and desire..Posted by Hal on September 08, 1999 at 13:12:08: In Reply to: Re: Motivation and desire.. posted by Jasper on September 08, 1999 at 10:54:32: : : Hi. : : I was wondering how/where some of you (fours and others alike) find your motivation. Because I have none whatsoever. : : I've never imagined a human being having less desire to do anything of any societal value. And yet, here I am! : : I am grotesquely nonchalant about academia. On 5 occasions this year, I've driven the 15 minutes to school, found that I was a few minutes late, and since I didn't want to go in and draw attention to myself, went back to the car and drove home. I feel so completely out of place there....likethere's everybody--and then there's me. : : And so a friend of mine (whom I met online and later met once in person) says that I could use a change of scenery....perhaps going to another college, away from home. And I say "what would I do with myself?" I don't know anybody anywhere else. And she says "You meet new people.. That's the whole point." : : But there's a problem there. I can't do that. Just like studying for classes...I never had to in the past, so I never do it now, even when it would probably be beneficial. I have no desire to do well in school....I have no desire to meet any new people. : : I acknowledge that, sure it would be nice to get an 'A' in a class... Sur eit would be nice to actually talk to other human beings....I just don't have the "ganas"...the will...to do it. So where do I get it? : Hi, Matches. I read both of your messages. The other about actually meeting someone in person I can't respond to because I never did that, in fact just talking to someone online is a very new experience for me. It sounds like your assessment of the situation is correct, though: You meet them first online and then again in person (because you form all sorts of invisible impressions about what the person looks like and is about, then you have to adjust your imagination to the reality of the situation. Remember, we fours get an internal thrill out of heightening people and situations in our imaginations, only having to adjust downward when we come face to face with them. Allow for this process, don't be so hard on yourself, and use that same intellect to find the "real" greatness in that person when you meet them in person. : About the other question: I am a busy, productive person much of the time, but this summer I felt unmotivated quite a bit. I think that, too, is a four trait. Plus this is juxtaposed with that nagging four thing about wanting to actualize ourselves in the world, make a difference, a unique contribute, if only we knew how to do it, to choose from all the options the one that truly defines us. I found a book at Barnes and Noble that I first discovered on Amazon.Com: 100 Ways to Motivate Yourself by Steven Chandler. It's fun, easy reading, containing some things you may not have considered, others you're already aware of, and still other ideas you have probably done. Three principles I have read in many books that I want to leave you with: (1) Inspiration and confidence don't strike before but after the act of doing. Hasn't this been true for you in the past? (2) Do that positive thing you have an inkling to do REGARDLESS OF HOW YOU FEEL AT THE MOMENT. Taking (1) and (2) together: You walk into the school and see that you're late; your depressed, you don't feel like entering, what will they all think, those eyes on me...you turn around...Don't. Go into that classroom regardless of how you feel. The "I am proud of myself for doing this" feeling, the confidence, the gusto to go onto the next step will occur after the act of doing. Principle (3): Don't get hung up on the results. According to Don Riso, one of the attributes of 4w5 is the love of the doing for the sake of discovery, enjoyment, not to compete with others to attain a result at the end. Forget the result, by simply enjoying the act of going to school, and studying the subject, you will attain the results. Lastly, where did I read about these three principles? Just this past Labor Day weekend in a great little book recommended by a four on this very message board. It's called "Constructive Living" by David Reynolds. And I highly recommend it for all fours. Now I gotta get back to work. Hope this helps. Feel better, you deserve to, and all the best at school. Excellent advice, Jasper! It sounds very much like you're depressed, Matches, and just don't want to admit it to yourself. For me, this always came out as a lack of motivation. The only suggestion I would add is to find what it is that you truly care about. There must be something, probably several things. Then take this and do as Jasper has suggested--just go out and do it, even if you don't feel like it. The love comes after the committment, not before; but there is probably a small amount of caring to be found first, which can lead you in the right direction. One more suggestion (yeah, I know I said I only had one...) I've found a great deal of value in getting involved in the community and doing things for others. Again, it's good even though you don't feel like it. It helps you to get out of yourself when you focus on what you can do for others, and an activity makes it easier to meet people. Just go into it without any expectations, and do it for its own sake. It takes some amount of faith to find the motivation to go through with this, and my own faith is not at all strong much of the time. So from one sometimes depressed, often faithless person to another, give it a try. :-) - Hal -
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