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Enneagram Type 4 Board Archive the ship's not sunk yet....Posted by emoot on May 15, 2001 at 11:37:34: In Reply to: Re: dilemma with an INTJ posted by Riv on May 15, 2001 at 09:06:15: It does not bother me so much that she stays home, as long as she is helping you out in some positive way and not just leaching off of you. Homemaking can be a job.....I mean is she like paying the bills, shopping, cleaning, cooking etc? Stuff you don't have time to do? From what she wrote.... it seems she is wondering about the relationship but not in a bad way.... maybe. I mean if she was wanting to leave it looks like she would have said that. Instead she seems to want some kind of validation on the relationship you guys already have. She wants to know if you are the one...it is like she needs some kind of confirmation on this. I know for you working two jobs is really difficult....infps need to have some time to recharge...you sound like you might burn out soon. Trust me it can happen. I did...I used to work in advertising and ugh the hours I'd put in. It made me very irritable. It put a strain on my marriage because we were both working 12-16 hour days and we never saw each other. You can't have a relationship when you never see a person. Anyway we both cut back on time and finances, came to an agreement and made time for each other. We had to size down a little and keep a tighter budget. But let's face it all of our material belongings were not making us happy. We needed our relationship more than anything else. It is very strong now and we are moving forward in ways we never thought we could before. It looks like you need to talk about where you want to go with the relationship. Do you love each other and are you both willing to compromise? Is it really worth it to both of you? You need to know where you stand. You need to communicate. It is essential to a relationship. If you could quit one of your jobs you'd have less stress and be a happier person and have more time for her. But she has to do her part too. She's at least got to do the homemaker thing. And maybe she can figure out how to make money at home. Whatever you choose you both need to contribute somehow to each other in a loving way. If one of you or both of you can't make that committment, then somebody's got to cut their losses and move on. Also, it has been my experience that faith plays the largest part in making a relationship work. I'm not trying to be preachy but I'm just relating the truth of my experience. God has helped the most. Anyway I hope this was helpful and I hope things work out for the best.
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