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Re: Hi fellow 4's..a resource

Re: Hi fellow 4's..a resource

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Posted by Charlie on May 09, 1998 at 00:16:17:

In Reply to: Re: Hi fellow 4's..a resource posted by Michelle on April 08, 1998 at 17:49:02:

: THANKS a lot..Ill check it out.

: My main "challenge" these days is NOT that I am "gited" (in many artistic expressions) but..that I go in so many directions at once that I don't stop to FOCUS in on one thing.

: Its like once I begin seeing how "exceptional" I could be at something I stop! Im not sure if this is self-sabotage, fear of success, fear of failurre?? Hmmm...

: People alwasy comment that my work is INSPIRING (My Ego loves that) but more thatn that I would like to find a way to sustain my creative inspiration and not "drop the ball" so often.

: On the other hand I have this feeling that once I "find the key" to unlock my "creativity" (once and for all!) HA!..I will then be like a flood of ideas, inspirations, and beauty!!!!

: Than the other MAIN point is whether I'm "CREATING" for MYSELF or for the world to somehow give me the respect, recognition, admiration, (HA) that I nver truly felt I got from the world?? I see that there is a strong pull from one side of my brain that thinks I am at times "genius"..to the other side that says "KEEP THAT QUIET!!" THEY will think you are vain, conceited, arrogant, cocky..BUT..I know my talents come froma HIGHER SOURCE. If only I could get my "little self" totally out of the way and allow myself to "CREATE" without wondering WHY Im doing it, IF I should be doing it etc. etc.

: I have glimpses of...wonderment though...which I absolutely LOVE! I look forward to my moments of INSPIRATION!

: :)Hi Michelle,I'm new here, but loving it. I found it interesting that you used the term "fear of success" as that is a term I'd applied to myself- before discovering the enneagram. I think the self-sabotage thing is to do with 4 low self-esteem, something inside you must say- "I don't DESERVE success" but being aware of it helps, obviously.One of the enneag. authors referred to the artist's dilemma being the need to HIDE vs the need to REVEAL yourself, hence the sublimation of the self into a work of art, I think the trick is not to think about it- just do it. I too have found my creative talents pulled in many directions. 4s don't have much self-discipline, so it can help to get into an environment where discipline is imposed on you from outside. For me, this meant going to Art School and doing four years, at the ripe old age of 31. It was like being back at high-school 9-4 , 5 days- even getting there on time was hard. Also, the teachers weren't very indulgent of the bad side of 4-ness, when a very high % of students were 4s, they couldn't afford to be!!! Actually, at Art School (this is in Australia) there were lots of older 4 students who'd come the long way round, via years of unsatisfying mundane jobs, etc.I have to go now. Till next time.

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: : THANKS a lot..Ill check it out. : : My main "challenge" these days is NOT that I am "gited" (in many artistic expressions) but..that I go in so many directions at once that I don't stop to FOCUS in on one thing. : : Its like once I begin seeing how "exceptional" I could be at something I stop! Im not sure if this is self-sabotage, fear of success, fear of failurre?? Hmmm... : : People alwasy comment that my work is INSPIRING (My Ego loves that) but more thatn that I would like to find a way to sustain my creative inspiration and not "drop the ball" so often. : : On the other hand I have this feeling that once I "find the key" to unlock my "creativity" (once and for all!) HA!..I will then be like a flood of ideas, inspirations, and beauty!!!! : : Than the other MAIN point is whether I'm "CREATING" for MYSELF or for the world to somehow give me the respect, recognition, admiration, (HA) that I nver truly felt I got from the world?? I see that there is a strong pull from one side of my brain that thinks I am at times "genius"..to the other side that says "KEEP THAT QUIET!!" THEY will think you are vain, conceited, arrogant, cocky..BUT..I know my talents come froma HIGHER SOURCE. If only I could get my "little self" totally out of the way and allow myself to "CREATE" without wondering WHY Im doing it, IF I should be doing it etc. etc. : : I have glimpses of...wonderment though...which I absolutely LOVE! I look forward to my moments of INSPIRATION! : : :)Hi Michelle,I'm new here, but loving it. I found it interesting that you used the term "fear of success" as that is a term I'd applied to myself- before discovering the enneagram. I think the self-sabotage thing is to do with 4 low self-esteem, something inside you must say- "I don't DESERVE success" but being aware of it helps, obviously.One of the enneag. authors referred to the artist's dilemma being the need to HIDE vs the need to REVEAL yourself, hence the sublimation of the self into a work of art, I think the trick is not to think about it- just do it. I too have found my creative talents pulled in many directions. 4s don't have much self-discipline, so it can help to get into an environment where discipline is imposed on you from outside. For me, this meant going to Art School and doing four years, at the ripe old age of 31. It was like being back at high-school 9-4 , 5 days- even getting there on time was hard. Also, the teachers weren't very indulgent of the bad side of 4-ness, when a very high % of students were 4s, they couldn't afford to be!!! Actually, at Art School (this is in Australia) there were lots of older 4 students who'd come the long way round, via years of unsatisfying mundane jobs, etc.I have to go now. Till next time.

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