Re: Don't give up, just remeber it's a two way street

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: : Oh God, thank for responding. I guess it's not just this job. It's my whole lack of career & lack of meaning in my life. : I feel the same way a lot. You're not the only one. Sometimes I think no one wants me, all I do is cause a bunch of trouble. I see myself as a wannabe caretaker who ends up being a troublemaker who means well but then goofs up somehow and ends up creating more enemies in her desperate pursuit of trying to make friends. The more I try making friends, the more I ended up getting hated. : I am feeling terrible about it - but also very ashamed. This shame keeps me from telling people about it, even those who are close to me. Or especially those who are close to me. : Me, too. Although at times, I feel on top of the world, I feel TERRIBLE, especially when I find out how much I hurt others. I'm also shamed based, and exhibitionist show-off drama queen, in this way: When someone wants to take a picture of me, I can't, I feel too ashamed. But when someone else is getting photographed, I suddenly can't resist the urge to 'butt in'. : : It's one of those days when everything is adding up. There are some things within my friendships that are disturbing me. Do I expect too much, or am I just looking at everything negatively because I feel so depressed? I don't know - - - : Tough question for me too. I say the best thing to do is try lowering your expectations. Reduce the demands you expect to 'get' from them. : That way it will cause you to appreciate them more. : : I am still hurt by the loss of my former friend, the 5w4. : You should move on to soomeone who is better able to meet your basic requirements, if they can meet you're 'extras, but not necessary' needs, you got it made. If they meet your 'extras', but not not meet your 'basic' needs then you need to move on. : If you can't accept what they have to offer you, then you need to find someone who can. : On the other hand, maybe your expectations of finding someone who can offer you what you need is too high to be unrealistic, then you need to re-adjust what you expect. : : Everything seems wrong. Nothing seems right. And I don't feel like I'm going anywhere.... : You are getting someway, even if you temporarily don't feel it or see it. Just keep your eye out for new choices. : : Ok, I'm also seeing someone new, and we had a misunderstanding/hurt/fight - I don't know what you call it -but we haven't spoken in a couple of days & it's killing me. : I'd just call it all three. Speak to him anyway, don't hold it in. Move it forward by determining where can you go from where you are now. Determne what both of you need in a relationship as well as what both of you are capable of delivering. : Get both his and your limitations of what kind of behaviour you too can expect from each other and are able to give to each other. : : Everything's adding up, and when that happens, I feel like it is doomsday and I'll never come out of it - - - -I know that is silly, but God it all hurts so much : No! It's NOT silly! It's real! And no, it's not doomsday. Don't worry. Just get a pen and paper out and write down what your ideal needs are from your mate and what you are able to live with and accept as minimum, as well as what his needs are, both ideal and minumum, and what can you do for him ideal, and minimum. If the two of you have something you can work out, then move towards it. If not and one or both of you cannot meet the other's basic, mandatory needs, then move on to others, but realize that you're not 'made' for each other. : Once you focus on solving the problem and trying to come up with ways to overcome the hurdles, you'll start feeling like you've made more progress, you're getting somewhere and thus, not feel depressed anymore. : Work towards developing solutions. Look at 'depression' as a challenge to overcome. : Lead with your iNtuition. Make it work for you. Get it to look at possibilities. : Only use your Sensing to re-assess and re-adjust your current realistic expectations regarding the behaviour of what your friend is able to do for you, and limitations as of to what you are capable of being able to do for him. : Begin the conversation with him focusing on determining what limitations both of you have when expecting if the other can meet each others' needs or not. : Get both of you to reduce each others' expectations. Make it a joint effort. No one way street. Everything should be two-way. : Remember Summer, should you decide to reduce your expectations of him, then don't do it without him knowing about it, especially if it takes effort. Make sure he knows, because then he has to reduce his own expectation that you are not able to meet in return. : Two way street, not one. It's only fair. : Let me know what happens, I'm rooting for you. : Cecil

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