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Posted by Amanda on September 11, 1999 at 11:44:30:

In Reply to: Re: Amanda, haven't seen you for a while; how goest thou? posted by Cecil on September 11, 1999 at 10:02:14:

: Amanda;
: Haven't seen you on the main board for a while. How are things going with you? Okay, I hope?
: Cecil

Hi Cecil - I'm doing ok - thanks for asking.

I haven't posted on the main board for a while - but I have kept abreast of the happenings over there. I visit these sites on an almost daily basis, in fact. I don't post if I have nothing to say - and to say that 'catfights' are not my cup of tea is an understatement!

I have, however, viewed your posts with increasing concern. There is a disturbing pattern emerging that, up til now, remains unchecked. By the sounds of it, this is not news to you at all and is something that you have struggled with for some time. You seem to be swinging from intelligent and thoughtful articulation, through vitriolic attack, to abject apology - then round again for another go. At the very least, it must be exhausting!

Making changes to unhealthy patterns is something that none of us finds easy to do. Recognising an unhealthy pattern is a necessary first step - but it is still only the first of many steps that need to be taken to affect real change. My therapist once told me that the best way to stop doing something that was unhealthy - was to just simply stop doing it! I wasted so much time by using the excuse "....but I am trying...." - til I finally worked out that I should stop all the 'trying' business and just get on with the 'doing' part.

To me, your apologies have the "..but I am trying.." ring to them. You also seem to be operating under the belief that you are somehow 'hurting' others by your posts. How each person reacts to various posts is their own responsibility, not yours. You debase yourself in such a way that I can't help but think that you feel you deserve to be somehow punished for your 'indiscretions'. Unfortunately, all the power/punishment dynamic achieves, in the final analysis, is that the thoughtful and intelligent dialogue gets either put on hold while the other stuff goes on - or is completely overlooked, or even worse, dismissed outright....and, to me, *that* is the real shame.

You are better than that, Cecil - but I'm not so sure that you are convinced of it - yet.

Peace
Amanda

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: : Amanda; : : Haven't seen you on the main board for a while. How are things going with you? Okay, I hope? : : Cecil : Hi Cecil - I'm doing ok - thanks for asking. : I haven't posted on the main board for a while - but I have kept abreast of the happenings over there. I visit these sites on an almost daily basis, in fact. I don't post if I have nothing to say - and to say that 'catfights' are not my cup of tea is an understatement! : I have, however, viewed your posts with increasing concern. There is a disturbing pattern emerging that, up til now, remains unchecked. By the sounds of it, this is not news to you at all and is something that you have struggled with for some time. You seem to be swinging from intelligent and thoughtful articulation, through vitriolic attack, to abject apology - then round again for another go. At the very least, it must be exhausting! : Making changes to unhealthy patterns is something that none of us finds easy to do. Recognising an unhealthy pattern is a necessary first step - but it is still only the first of many steps that need to be taken to affect real change. My therapist once told me that the best way to stop doing something that was unhealthy - was to just simply stop doing it! I wasted so much time by using the excuse "....but I am trying...." - til I finally worked out that I should stop all the 'trying' business and just get on with the 'doing' part. : To me, your apologies have the "..but I am trying.." ring to them. You also seem to be operating under the belief that you are somehow 'hurting' others by your posts. How each person reacts to various posts is their own responsibility, not yours. You debase yourself in such a way that I can't help but think that you feel you deserve to be somehow punished for your 'indiscretions'. Unfortunately, all the power/punishment dynamic achieves, in the final analysis, is that the thoughtful and intelligent dialogue gets either put on hold while the other stuff goes on - or is completely overlooked, or even worse, dismissed outright....and, to me, *that* is the real shame. : You are better than that, Cecil - but I'm not so sure that you are convinced of it - yet. : Peace : Amanda

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