Let there be light !

Posted by Amanda :) on September 11, 1999 at 12:34:41:

In Reply to: Wired - It must be me posted by Sam on September 10, 1999 at 22:44:24:

Hi there Sam :)

Let me begin by saying that I'm not the youngest in my birth family. I don't think it actually has all that much bearing on our 'wiring' as you quaintly put it. I also suspect that trying to change your 'wiring' would be somewhat akin to trying to change your DNA - in other words, an impossible task. Becoming aware of our fixations gives us a certain freedom from operating out of those hidden motivations that unconsciously direct our lives. Once we become aware, we can actually *do* something about it!

In my opinion, rather than envy your brothers, you can be thankful you are not like them! The world is just brimming with people who live their lives skimming along the surface. To me, that would be living a life of 'quiet desperation' (spoken like a true 4!). Now don't get me wrong, stability is a good thing - but at what price? If, to achieve it, you must deny the 'real' you, then it's just like throwing the baby out with the bath water. The key is in finding the balance.

: How to change the wiring? I believe that as a babe, we all tried to
: move, shift, think that If I did this... then maybe I will be affirmed... I
: am not valuable - because of who I am...day in day out, minute by minute,
: while our little brain was taking shape. (Like Summer, painfully experiencing
: something far beyond her control, but for her, she says 'because of me' I didn't...)

: Affirmation was conditoned upon meeting an undefined expectation, and if we shifted
: enough we would eventually get a 'hit' of love, affection. Wired early to shift,
: bob weave the 'me'... never having a chance to affirm who me may be

True affirmation must come from within. Whenever we look to others for approval and a sense of self-worth, we are not only bound to be disappointed, but we give our power away in the process. What's more, by loving and approving of ourselves, we are more likely to be better able to love others and be open to receiving theirs back. 4's in particular can be very good at being loving towards others, but it takes a sense of self-worth to believe that we are deserving of anothers' love.

.... Oh why, why must this come from
: outside us, why?

The point is: it doesn't.

These words: confidence, fears, inhibitions ... I am
: confident, I am fearless - except for my emotions. Emotionally fearful,
: unconfident. I can face and speak to crowds, I can be face to face with
: argument, discussing principals but to be emotionally connected is
: so big, my spirt withers and hides, cowering in the dark shelter of my
: mask. Bring me light!

: Many on this board have spoken to ways of stopping the ruminations, being
: aware and in the present helps - in the moment, for the moment, so like
: an addiction, do we live each moment, being vigilent? Can't do it, just
: can't. Such vigilence in a lonely place is painful

This sounds so very 'driven' - this being 'vigilant'....it conjures up pictures of an ever-present danger lurking in the background. Staying 'in the present' is more about dealing with what's in front of your face, the truth, rather than wasting time in those fantasies of '..what if..' - or endless hours of longing for the unattainable - or making excuses in the present because of something from the past (the past may furnish you with reasons, but never excuses!). Staying in the present can be a painful or lonely experience - but it can also be an empowering one too. It all depends on your focus. If you choose to only see the worst, then you are likely to only experience the worst. If you have the balls to allow for the best, you just might be pleasantly surprised!

Fiat Lux ("Let there be light")

smiles
Amanda :)

Follow Ups:

• Fours Gift Sam 16:26:43 9/11/99 (3)
  • Re: Fours Gift Rachel 15:42:22 9/12/99 (2)
    • Re: Fours Gift Jasper 10:50:19 9/13/99 (1)
      • I love this thread... Hal 16:28:45 9/13/99 (0)

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