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Fours Gift


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Posted by Sam on September 11, 1999 at 16:26:43:

In Reply to: Let there be light ! posted by Amanda :) on September 11, 1999 at 12:34:41:

Hi Amanda:

Giving the power away...not intending to do so, am trying to become more and more
aware. So true, though when emotionally honest, being vulnerable - always a defining
moment of the self: As I did so in my message. This 4 board is indeed a place
to be, to risk, to be vulnerable.

I have not yet 'emotionally ingested' what giving the power away is about,
intellectually I understand, feeling...not yet there; your insights help
move closer.

I love being a person, a feeling emotional person - with all the anguish and
pleasures that follow. I know the lonelyness comes from within, but again,
not yet getting it *** not yet ***...

I know, stop trying, and simply be with it. Like the chinese handcuff
a paradoxical result, the harder the try the harder it becomes.

I could drug it, alchohol it, but never have, don't desire to because I
know this just delays, subdues, removes the balls

I believe it was Hal who spoke to meditation as a way...very true and
thankful for him reminding me. Meditation has helped communicate to
my spirt, my soul.

I believe I have the balls, I am here, I sing in a choir, I greet people
at church, I take dance lessons - put myself in places of risk and in front
of people to find what is tweaking inside me

What is hard is be aware of the tweak, and simply be with it. Christ,
to be aware and be with it. I don't look to 'rid' myself of any of this
because I do believe these feelings and sensitivities are a gift that
place us closer to our spirit, and to live by spirit is life filling.

I am trying to rid myself of all the noise that moves in the way of spirit,
I get in my own way. My mind, in the way of spirit, in the way of life,
in the way of connection...not yet getting it

Thanks Amanda,

Sam


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