Posted by Mikko on May 30, 2001 at 15:51:47:
In Reply to: having an 8 parent? is it the difference in types that make our relationship difficult ? posted by Gretchen on May 29, 2001 at 12:50:29:
: Or is it just due to the fact that I want to go and move on and my dad justs wants to not let me go, and always have me around so that he can protect me.
That is an Eightish thing to do, but not a categorically defining trait.
: do fours have trouble dealing with 8 types esp. if its soemone they are friends with or related to? Even at the age of 21, i have to live life by his standards.
: Do eights think that everyone should live life on their terms? what is the primary motivation of an eight? why do they think this way?
They primary motivation of an Eight is to stay in control, in order not to be harmed or controlled (against their wishes) by others or impersonal forces in life. This is typically a result of going through such experiences early in life. From an Eight's point of view, the world is a potentially dangerous place and control means safety.
Actually, an Eight doesn't consciously think beyond 'the world is a dangerous place'. They aren't often consciously aware of their outlook.
: and me being a four, I rebel against but mostly avoid anything that reeks of a set of standards and rules. I want to live life on my own terms void of any standards or rountines. does every type need a rountine or at least a standard to live by even if they feel otherwise?
That sounds more like MBTI-related issue rather than Enneagrammatic. Anyway, many Eights don't think they have rules and standards just because you have to have them. Your dad imposes them because he think they will protect you. And that protection is his idea of being caring and in essence it's a connection to the low side of 2. I don't think you benefit much from trying to understand the differences of the types in general. You need to remember what your dad's point of view is like and understand why he thinks like that, but in the end it is a problem between two individuals. But one thing is sure, you will have to break away from his sphere of influence at some point. When you do stand up to him, it is possible that he won't understand it at all, or he might acknowledge it as a sign of you being 'strong enough' to be independent, that you can survive on your own. It depends on his overall level of health and individual personality.
And yes, every type, every individual does need routines, rules and standards. The question is, are you opposing them in general, or only the way your dad imposes them? Is it a question about them being useless in general, or are you reacting to your dads ways?
: due to the stubborn natures of a four and a eight, it is hard to be open minded about some things esp. when talking with each other. and this probably doesn't help the situation much.
No, it doesn't. You'd need a mediator, probably.
: any comments, viewpoints and thoughts will be greatly appreciated.
: ~Gretchen
Mikko -- 8w9