"Humankind cannot bear very much reality"

Posted by Rachel. on September 12, 1999 at 15:24:11:

In Reply to: "It costs so much to be a full human being" posted by Sam on September 11, 1999 at 21:49:05:

Dear Sam, and dear Amanda too and anyone else who has suffered through speaking out.

Sam I love the poems you've shared.

I've just got back from Birmingham where I go for the residential bits of my distance-learning course, and I'm 'in disgrace'.
I have had to keep my mouth shut about a lot of aspects of the course, whilst feeling angry. I was then humiliated in front of everyone and my anger really grew until after everyone had left the lecture room, I threw the glass I'd been using against the wall and smashed it. This was just as a priest walked in (Yes it's a Catholic college and I'm not a Catholic, it was the only teacher training course I could do and stay at home.) He blew his top at me and was really aggressive and I blew mine back at him. I then said a lot of things I felt and swore quite a bit and ended up in a state.

After that no one would speak to me. People I thought were my friends, Brenda who my parents had given a lift up there and who had talked to me a lot on the phone; they all ignored me and she got her husband to drive up from the South to pick her up rather than go home in the car with me.

Now they say I can't go back on my teaching practice, which was due to start next week. They think if someone gets angry enough to smash a glass then their is something wrong with them.

When I ran a hostel for homeless people we had a room where people could go if they were feeling angry and smash bottles. People do smash things and it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with them, it can mean there's something wrong with society.

I'm really happy in school and get on really well with all the teachers. I'm always patient with children. The college can't see that it's them that causes me to be angry. I don't see how all those propsective teachers on my course can deal with pupils who may be angry or have upset if they can't handle someone they know being like it. They all get angry with the college as well but they haven't got the guts to say anything.
These peopple are supposed to be Christians but I don't think they would have like Jesus very much after they saw him smashing up the tables in the temple.

Now everyone thinks I'm mad and that it could be inherited off my natural mother, which is horrible. I feel really isolated.

Rachel.

Follow Ups:

• Re: "Humankind cannot bear very much reality" Summer 11:22:58 9/13/99 (0)
• Re: "Humankind cannot bear very much reality" Rachel 15:56:01 9/12/99 (0)

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